maddie’s human habits

maddiepuppyWhen Tim and I decided to add a dog to the family, I always pictured a loyal, loving companion that would always be by our side and ready to lick our face whenever an opportunity arose. 

Never once did I believe our sweet, innocent puppy would one day be able to clear a room with a fart or release a burp that would make Homer Simpson proud.

Somewhere between learning “sit” and how not to irritate Alegre, Maddie picked up every habit a woman should never *truly* be proud of.

She walks over and burps in our ears.  Not a quiet burp.  Not a mouth-closed silent burp.  No, this is a belch that requires the use of her entire mandible and comes out sounding more human than dog.

And they smell awful.

She also farts.  INCESSANTLY. 

You know…when she was a puppy and the first time she let smelly air out of her ass and it made a sound, she jumped up and turned around in circles, trying to figure out where the noise came from.

Now she knows exactly where the noise came from and she thinks its funny.

She’ll sit next to Tim and I in the kitchen or bathroom or living room…wherever… and let ’em rip.

Half the time Tim and I are pointing fingers at each other like, “YOU JUST FARTED IN MY DIRECTION! YOU ARE SO GROSS!”

And it was Maddie.  Staring up at us, smiling and wagging her tail like, “Yup. Guilty.”

If she gets irritated because we are not paying enough attention to her, she will do this exasperated inhale and snort bit like, “HELLO.  I’ve already piled all ten million of my toys at your feet and you STILL will not acknowledge me. WHAT WILL IT TAKE?!”

I have never seen or heard an animal make so many crude noises and truly enjoy it.

What gets me – she doesn’t bark.


7 Responses to “maddie’s human habits”

  1. 2 Shannon June 15, 2009 at 11:04 am

    So funny…she is adorable!

    • 3 Jessica June 15, 2009 at 1:01 pm

      Yes….adorably stinky. 🙂 She likes to curl up at my feet when I blog and fall asleep – which makes for interesting noises coming from below the desk…

  2. 4 lifestartsnow June 16, 2009 at 1:05 pm

    your dog farts? oh wait until you have a kid that has figured out what sounds (and smells) can come out of a body 😉 franzi

  3. 6 Coco June 17, 2009 at 5:22 pm

    She’s adorable!
    We have three Chihuahuas. One of them will crawl into your lap and unleash a silent but smelly fart. She also likes to walk into a room and throw up all over. And…is Maddie eating your rug in that picture? Because Piper LOVES to eat the rug. Oh, dogs…

    • 7 Jessica June 17, 2009 at 5:35 pm

      Actually, it is the end of one of those rope toys…she never even plays with it anymore…she does like to chew-and rip off- the fringe on our throw rugs though…guess it’s more to her liking…

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