discretionary spending – yes, you graduated but no, we don’t do diplomas

I don’t know if the*happy* blogs are the popular ones…the blogs  where life is always sticky-sweet perfect and every possible situation has a silver lining and each day is just bursting with sunshine and rainbows with little elfkins following you around carrying a silver platter of stuff-your-face-feel-better-cookies, caring to your every whim.

Whose life is that?  Do you know them? Because I’d like to trade and indulge for a day… or twenty.  Just enough to miss grinding it out every day.

Or until I gain enough weight from those cookies to shock myself back into my current plight.

Whichever comes first.

I suppose that is the brilliance of blogging.  Anything can be twisted and edited to the point where having your leg slowly severed with elephant handled kid scissors is hysterical.  All that blood! Wow! When we cut the main artery, the blood spurted ten feet and stained the ceiling!

I guess that’s kind of like, morbidly funny. Like the joke I was told today by one of our Directors about student’s who have passed away.  There is a memorial plaque hanging on a wall in one of the hallways and sadly, it needs to be updated. 

And due to the financial crunch that everyone is currently feeling, anything we request to purchase…and I mean ANYTHING must have both an “Educational Outcome” and a “Business Objective.” 

I have never had to be more creative when ordering things like…I don’t know…a pen. I mean…what do you say to that?  The Education Outcome of a pen is, well, I cannot service student’s without one because I won’t be able to actually SIGN anything and neither will the students, because though they come to school everyday, they never seem to remember to bring something with which to write.  (?!@##?!@)

I know.  Let us not go there right now.

About six months ago, our Controller sends a scathing email to all staff, the gist being, “NO DISCRETIONARY SPENDING! ONLY PURCHASE ITEMS CONSIDERED A “KEEP THE LIGHTS ON” NECESSITY.  Then, later that day she walks into my office and tells me that my job duties are not considered in the corporate “keep the lights on” mentality.  She disagreed, because how else are students supposed to see their schedule if I don’t register them? And who will post final grades and graduate them?  And without officially documenting any of the progress students have made, we’re not really a school, are we? 

No, we’re a daycare.

I digress.  But – I have to fight for every penny because after all, I’m just a nicety taking up space…and after awhile it becomes a game.  More like an exercise in abstract thinking. 

The Director who had to have the plaque updated has already caught on to this game.

His comment when asked what the Educational Outcome would be for having the plaque engraved with additional names?

“Life’s short. Make the most out of it.”

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