fake nails…just say no.

Last night, I took Tim to the airport and then made an impromptu stop and bought lipstick, fake eyelashes and chip proof fake nails – french manicure style.  I put on the lipstick on the way home to see how it looked.

I liked it.

What is it about being alone and then the prospect of seeing Tim again make me want to knock his socks off?

My original plan (before the stop) was to pack for my London departure and make a list of things to do while alone in London…but instead I decided to put on the fake nails.  They looked so EASY.  I matched up the sizes with each of my nails, set them all out in the order of my fingers so I wouldn’t glue the middle finger size to the ring finger size…and picked up the glue.  I was a good girl and followed directions.  I put glue on my nail AND on the fake nail first….and tried to put a fake, french manicured nail on my pinky finger.

I  glued my thumb and pointer finger together.  I freaked out and tried to pry them apart and watched my skin stretch in painful resistance to the glue.  They eventually unstuck and I had glue residue all over my hands.  This was my first clue that this was a bad idea.

But I kept going.  Nail after nail.

Second clue: air bubbles between the fake and real nail and NOT FLATTERING. I reasoned that maybe it wouldn’t be all that noticeable.

I kept going.    All ten nails.

THEN I got outside in the natural light and it looked like my fingers were starting to sprout some sort of fungus underneath the nail bed AND I had somehow chipped the “chip proof” fake nail.  All in five minutes of having them.

I decided this was NOT the way to impress anyone and made a mad rush to the computer and typed “how to remove fake nails” and about five minutes of reading, led me to throw on some shoes and run out to the grocery store to get acetone.

So instead of being productive, I spent the evening soaking my hands in acetone and prying off nails I JUST PUT ON about thirty minutes before.  I love how it only takes mere moments to put them on and HOURS to get them off.  I still have pieces of the fake nails stuck to my real ones…

I think I told myself the last time this happened to never do that again.

And I did it.

Again.

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