my backwardness

I am weird with food.  I like just about everything…but I like it in ways that… apparently are not normal.  Like, for instance, when Tim makes his ginormous chocolate chip cookies.  Once that timer dings…I rip off a piece of parchment paper, fold it in half, grab a spatula flipper thing from our utensil container and an oven mit, slide the spatula under the cookie (these cookies are so large they usually don’t fit on the spatula very well), transfer it to the parchment paper and then….. I stick it right in the freezer.

That’s right.  I L-O-V-E fresh from the oven and then immediately transported to the freezer cookies.  I take them out when the chocolate chips are back to their solid state. Yum.  THE. BEST.  I say “no thanks” to a warm, ooey, gooey cookie with melty chocolate chips.  Yuck.  Not my thing.

It is the same with brownies, doughnuts, any kind of cake or pie… I like them fresh from the freezer or refrigerator.  No warm, sugary doughnuts for me.  To my taste buds and gag reflex, warm doughnuts are repulsive.  Now…let them sit for awhile in a nice, cold environment….and they are heaven.

My trend toward the (what other people think is) abnormal doesn’t stop with baked goods.  One of my most favorite things in the whole wide world is honey… stick a short-cropped red shirt on me and call me Pooh. I love it so much that it has made its way to the “do not purchase from the store or you will eat the whole thing” list.  I don’t eat it plain…though I have no qualms doing that…Pooh had something going there with the blunted appendages thing and a big ‘ol pot of the sticky stuff ready and waiting.  Honey is my ketchup.  I eat it with chicken, atop a bed of rice, on french fries, on a plain piece of bread, in yogurt, mixed with peanut butter and put on a banana….everything goes with honey.

I’m very particular about cereal.  Certain cereal I only like crunchy, like Frosted Mini Wheats.  Others MUST be soggy…like Rice Chex or Honey Bunches of Oats.  A supposed-to-be-eaten-crunchy cereal that gets too soggy ends up with Tim or Maddie…or the garbage disposal.  And I’ll wait for however long is necessary for my soggy choices to get to the desired state.

I don’t like dark meat or anything that still has a vein attached.  I’ll put anything and everything into a salad.  Just picture the biggest salad bar ever in the entire universe and that, in smaller portions, is what will end up on my plate.  Tim thinks its gross.  I think it is a great way to get in all your vegetables.

I like to mix things…my favorite as a kid was Kraft macaroni and cheese, peas, corn and ketchup.  I’d stir it all around on my plate until I had what resembled casserole and then happily dig in to my masterpiece.

The weird “is she really putting that on THAT!?!?” looks don’t bother me…it’s not like I’m eating cow feet or pigs brains or other things that I sure are delicacies…but not something I will ever put near my lips.  I’ve gone as far as to try foie gras…and after feeling like I was swallowing thick, hot bacon grease I accepted the fact that I will never be one of those that will enjoy caviar or sweet bread (NOT the yeast variety…).


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