the thing in the front

I don’t know if I’m weird or thinking ahead… probably the former as the thinking and ahead do not go together very well for me…but I flat out REFUSE to take the thing that is first, on top or in front.  Shopping carts, boxes of cereal, new appliances, shirts on a rack, shampoo bottles, makeup, pristine issue 1 of 1 of an autographed book…whatever it is I will take the the atrocity, move it over to the side, pick up one a few behind it and put the ghastly thing right back in front.  I’ve decided somewhere along the way that item in front/on top/first in line is dirty, dented, ripped, greasy, old and full of germs that would make my hand melt right off if I touched it longer than a few seconds…because no one takes that one.  That one is what everyone picks up, examines, shakes, drops, licks, sneezes on and, once satisfied, puts right back on the shelf  In. The. Front.

I’ve even converted Tim to snubbing the “first thing” as I’ve come to call it (“Don’t get the first thing!  Is that the first thing??”).  He used to look at me like I was a crazy person when I’d shove the first item out of the way and grab one sitting WAY in the back.  He’d ask me, “What in the world is wrong with that one?  It looked fine to me.” I’d look up at him, box of untarnished goods still in hand, a horrified, wide-eyed expression on my face like, “Don’t you know?? “It was in the front.”  In my brain, no other explanation was needed. 

What if there is only ONE thing left?…. that presents an entirely different set of variables………like climate change…air quality…lighting…presentation…time of day…item findability…

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