I quit my last job because of traffic.  Well… that and other reasons.  But traffic was high on the list.  I would sit for upwards of two hours…BOTH ways.  Ten hours a day.  In my car.  Waiting.  Needless to say, I despise traffic.  I’d rather scoop out chunks of gangrenous skin from someones ass with a sugar spoon than sit in traffic.  Yes, it is THAT bad.

I was on my way home today and hear a radio station report a new accident on the interstate I am driving on… at the road I am currently crawling by… and there is no accident. 

A word to those who are fortunate enough to NOT live in the metropolis of a city too large to maintain its inhabitants: traffic at a dead stop doesn’t equal accident.  It equals stupid.  

Let me demonstrate.

Look!  Items of trash in the road…was that a shovel??…oh look!  Smoke is coming from that muffler…and there’s a person with a funny bumper sticker… and wait… there is someone doing something VERY important on the other side of the highway…hey… look at that!  It’s five o’clock…better change to my favorite radio station…and is that a stain on my shirt??…Ugh!  I just dropped a nickel…better grab it off the floorboard before I forget…wonder what the sky looks like…it was supposed to rain this eveni….AHHH!! Someone touched their brakes… time to slam on mine!!!! 

And that’s why we all stop.  To wait for you to regain your composure and get moving.  Again.  Because each time you slam on those brakes of yours, you create a lovely wave of brake lights shining for miles and it takes awhile for us in the back of that line to regain our nice, steady pace.

Thanks for the consideration.  Hope you found that nickel.


3 Responses to “traffic!!#?$&#!!?$%”

  1. 1 spookwright March 12, 2009 at 4:10 pm

    I once saw a smartly-dressed guy eating a bowl of cereal on his way to work in the morning rush. He had the paper spread against the steering wheel too. Made me think he was an accident looking for a place to happen.

    Funny, witty post. I enjoyed it.

  2. 2 Daphne September 1, 2009 at 2:41 pm

    I’m lurking in your archives again. You’re totally channelling my traffic blog.

    • 3 Jessica September 1, 2009 at 2:51 pm

      Daphne: I do not DO traffic. If I’m stuck in it, pray you are not on the other end of the phone or within ten feet of me. Because THE WRATH comes out…in full force.

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