chaos and ‘merica

I know.

I missed a day of thankfulness. Yesterday.

But look at the title.

So, there.

Yesterday was a rare day.

A very rare day, indeed.

A day Tim arbitrarily took off of work JUST BECAUSE and it somehow resulted in a morning run that turned into a walk/talk for over an hour because Kellan fell asleep and we wanted to keep him moving so he would get a good nap versus going inside and him immediately waking up and getting a crap nap.

Crap naps suck, people. You want to avoid them at all costs. If that means you walk for an hour, it means you walk. For an hour.

So, we walked. And we talked…uninterrupted…for an HOUR.

It. Was. Awesome.

Tim and I rarely have that luxury anymore, since Kellan likes to be the center of attention – as he should be.

Yesterday, however, all the stars aligned. It was a beautiful day (see below) and the nap gods were smiling down upon us. We got to actually spend time together…just Tim and me and a beautiful day.

That doesn’t sound at all chaotic, quite the opposite, really, but without all the chaos that is our life, now, we would not be able to appreciate that blissful hour together. We would have taken it for granted. We would have thought nothing of it. It would have been just another day. Just another run. Just another blah.

Except, we didn’t. We saw that hour for what it really was and we appreciated every single minute…every second…we lived the moment, we loved the moment, and we were so grateful to have had it.

I would not have been able to say that and appreciate what Tim and I had yesterday without all the chaos that surrounds me daily.

I have so much chaos in my life, it’s become normal. You become used to it. You have to just relax, calm down, take a deep breath and try to see how you can make things work rather than complain about how they’re wrong.  Tom Welling
****

As for today, I am thankful for the right to vote, as we all should be. Granted, Tim andI voted weeks ago via our mail in ballots, but, still. We voted. We made our voice “heard” and WE DIDN’T GET A STICKER.

I WANT MY ‘I Voted’ STICKER.

Dear Colorado – FIX THIS.

Anyhow, if you haven’t voted – GO DO IT. If you have, YAY, YOU!

I honestly do not care what your stance/opinion/whatever is as long as you actually act on it and vote.

That’s what matters.

That’s why we’re ‘Merica (I hate that word, by the way. It just seemed to fit but I would just like to let my opinion be heard – it is AMERICA, people).

Nobody will ever deprive the American people of the right to vote except the American people themselves and the only way they could do this is by not voting. Franklin D. Roosevelt

it was supposed to happen yesterday…

(Just pretend you read all of this yesterday…or that it is yesterday…because that’s when it all happened and not when this was posted because life happened and hitting the ‘Publish’ button didn’t. The end)

Day one. Well, technically, day two. Either way, Tim was out the door this morning at 3-something to get his run in and Kellan and I went later on, so we’re both working on our daily buff. Apparently there are 100 days until the end of this competition he has at work.

2 down.

98 to go.

Now, can we talk about something else that is entirely more pertinent?

Like this bird situation we are STILL having?

Kellan and I came home from our run this morning and found that a bird sacrifice had taken place in our front lawn.

I’m pretty sure that is a headless bird by our new tree that I was planning on watering today. I can’t be for certain because I’m not about to get close to it and it go all voodoo on me.

I have no idea why the birds would decide to do something like this. It’s not like it will help their situation. Like, at all.

Strength in numbers, fellas.

Over the weekend, Tim had to clean up two more dead birds in our side yard.

It’s getting beyond ridiculous. BIRDS. Who knew they could be so damn irritating. Nowhere is safe or sanitary.

An hour after we wash off the driveway and porch?

Bird feathers and poo and disgustingness is everywhere. Again.

The county? Why don’t I get help there?

WELL. Let’s talk about that.

They aren’t helping.

Even though they said to call back if we had more than five dead birds “on our property.”

Newsflash: We are well over having five dead birds “on our property” at this point.

WELL. OVER.

They consider them – the pigeons, because let’s call them what they are – a “nuisance” and suggest I “google” ways to deter them.

Really?

REALLY?

Gee, thanks.

I’m not exactly sure google can help me figure out why they’re just flat out falling from the sky, dead as a doornail, and landing in our yard.

But, I guess you know what you’re talking about

You’re the expert….

PS: If you’re shy but are definitely going to do this buffness with me…with us…can you just repeat, over and over, “I will be BUFF!” That way, I’ll feel your buffness vibes.

two steps may as well be a mile

Tim, Kellan and I took a long weekend.

In the mountains.

And it was glorious.

If anyone has any ideas as to how we can make a living in a small mountain town, I’m all ears.

On Friday, we drove over to Breckenridge from our condo in Keystone (about 25 minutes) to watch the beginning of Stage 5 of the US Pro Cycling Challenge. I LOVE cycling. Admittedly, I don’t really know *that* much about it but I love watching (and I’d love to learn more). My bucket list includes going to France one day and following the Tour (de France) through each stage – mostly to see the small French towns they ride to/from. GORGEOUS. Also, the drama that ensues during the race.

This is Kellan, waiting for the cyclists he never even saw (see below):

Granted, I never actually *saw* the riders because about fifteen minutes before they came through (Tim and I had a primo spot, too), Kellan melted down. I mean MELTED. DOWN. High pitched screaming all, “GET ME OUTTA HERE. NOOOOOOW.” He had already napped once in the Ergo and we had been there for almost two hours and, understandably, he was done with all of the commotion and noise and stuff. There was A LOT of stuff going on. People. Cowbells. Dogs. Cowbells. People dressed up like grapes. Cowbells. Cars. Screaming kids. Cowbells. Loudspeakers. Cowbells. Music. Announcers. MOAR. COWBELLS.

Suffice it to say I ended up behind the scenes, behind the buildings, behind everything except a small stream that cut through the backside of the town, hanging out with Kellan, walking him back and forth, back and forth, while the cyclists rode down Main Street. I’m pretty sure one of the dudes in a black security jacket was slightly confused as to what I was doing and why because he kept staring at me funny.

The sacrifices a mother makes.

Sadface.

Tim got a few really great pictures, though.

I digress.

As much as Tim and I needed time to just get away from every day life, it wasn’t as relaxing as I thought it would be. I mean, it was relaxing and awesome to be surrounded by the mountains and the brilliant silence that comes with them, but I didn’t really get any downtime or chill out time or just lounge time. Before, when Tim and I would take mini-vacays like this, there would be LOTS of lounging. To the point I would get restless and bored and cabin feverish.

This particular trip?

Every second was consumed with something. We were driving somewhere. We were looking at something. I was literally shoveling food down my throat because I only had somuchtime before Kellan needed a change of environment. I think I told Tim that I had not actually sat down and enjoyed a meal since Kellan had been born. Whenever that day comes, someone will have to physically force me to eat at a reasonable pace because I’m in such a habit of doing it as quickly as possible because if I try to eat slowly, I probably won’t get to eat at all.

Again, I digress.

After doing “stuff” for probably a little bit too long, Kellan decided he was done and we were driving back to the condo, full on melt down mode. The crying made me flustered and frustrated. My attitude made Tim flustered and frustrated.

Kellan was crying. Screaming.

MAKE IT STOP.

I really don’t know how to explain it to anyone unless you’re a mom. And then you already understand that when your baby is crying, you do not hear anything, see anything, DO. ANYTHING. unless it is what will cease the crying. Everything is dropped, unheard, forgotten, until the crying STOPS and the needs of your child are met. There are no “extra” things you want to do, like bring something in from the car. There are no questions you want to answer. You really don’t want to do anything, nor can you focus on anything, until that screaming ends – both inside and outside of your head. Internally, your brain literally gets fuzzy because your entire being is ignoring everything and everyone, unless either are involved in what is needed to end the tears.

It makes no sense…unless, of course, you already have a child, and then you probably know exactly the buzzing, static-y feeling I’m talking about.

This whole scenario puts undue stress on one certain married couple who are trying to achieve exactly the opposite. So, it is hard to be back home, feeling refreshed, when each day there felt like any other day. I mean, minus visiting Breckenridge and some of the other neat things we did in our small blocks of time where Kellan was rested and happy. That part was fun. But there was never a total “break” from normalcy. Which, I guess, is to be expected with a baby. It’s just another adjustment we have to make…*I* have to make…because that flustered/frustrated feeling happened a lot over the weekend because Kellan was out of his comfort zone and we probably kept him out juuust long enough for him to decide that he wanted to be somewhere quiet and familiar. Both, obviously, hard to come by when you’re not home.

I’m sure this gets easier when he gets older and I am able to actually reason with him. However, there is no reasoning with a six month old. There is only a need that must be met. He doesn’t understand ‘five minutes’ or ‘almost there’ or ‘right after we [fill in the blank].’

He understands I NEED IT AND I NEED IT NOW.

It probably doesn’t help that he’s been extra (and by extra I still mean spider monkey status) clingy – to the point he doesn’t want to play on the floor by himself, like he did just a week ago, with no complaint. He wants to be held. He wants to play…but only on a bed that I AM SITTING/LAYING on. He doesn’t want you to go very far away – as in six inches may as well be the distance of an entire ocean.

I’m ok with this because I know he isn’t doing it to be spiteful. He’s doing it because there is something he needs in the comfort arena of his emotional development and I’m not going to deny him that.

Is it hard?

YES. A resounding YES.

Will it end?

Yes.

Do I miss my mostly easygoing baby from a week ago?

Not really.

This hard part means that he’s growing and developing…and you’ve got to take the easy with the hard, right?

Until the storm quiets again, there will be plenty of pictures like this where I’m trying to convince Kellan that I’m righthere and he can smile…

And instead, when I try to walk two steps away, get this:

the weekend of everything except…

Over the past four days….

I had another OB appointment where I learned I’ve not progressed any farther from my 2 centimeters dilated and 75% effaced, except baby sprout has moved down another “station” and is now -1 instead of -2 and I gained zero pounds from the previous week.

If you have no idea what I’m talking about with the whole station thing, this visual will probably help.

Zero is good.

Anything in the positive is way better.

So….yay for…that?

Also over the weekend?

My birthday.

We didn’t have a “cake” other than to grab one from Whole Foods on the way home from the OB appointment and dinner. Our plans are super flexible right now since we have no idea when baby sprout will make his appearance.

I’m not even going to apologize for the ghetto swishy pants halfway down/no makeup/crazy hair.

It’s called 38 weeks and 5 days pregnant.

And it’ll be your reality, too if you ever reach this point.

Also? We got a lot of snow.

As in record breaking snowfall.

That ruler reads 14 inches, by the way.

So much snow that Tim had a snow day on Friday. I mean…technically he was awake all night on Thursday watching the weather and was ultimately the one who decided that it would be a snow day for the plant but, details, details. To me, it meant he was home. Yay!

Which? Definitely helpful because he had to make a poo path for the dogs.

They were super grateful.

We also *officially* met our neighbors, which was kind of like fate because sometime during the late morning on Friday, I went upstairs to take a nap and saw our ENTIRE STREET shoveling their driveways. Not being from Colorado, I yelled down to Tim all, “We should probably shovel…the entire neighbor is shoveling.”

So, we did.

Yes, I said WE.

The 38+ week pregnant woman shoveled snow because she can’t help herself…but only the small stuff…don’t have a heart attack, people.

Anyway, our neighbor came over with a shovel and started helping us out of nowhere. So, we struck up a conversation and then Tim and the neighbor – Brian – went to help another lady across the street while Brian’s wife, Niki, came up behind me as I was finishing off some of the small stuff on the driveway all, “Should you be doing that?!”

I turned around, slightly startled because I had no idea she was there, and was like, “Probably not.”

Tim and Brian came back over and we all had a nice little chat in below freezing temperatures and somewhere within that chat they offered to A: make us a meal for after the baby comes and B: watch our dogs in case we end up having to go to the hospital at three in the morning.

WE JUST MET THESE PEOPLE.

Then?

Oh, yes, it gets better.

Then, Saturday afternoon they stopped over and gave us a baby gift and invited us to their Super Bowl party on Sunday.

A GIFT.

THEY BROUGHT US A GIFT.

Seriously, people like this still exist?!

And they’re our neighbors!?

In Tim and my good neighbor defense, we did shovel their entire sidewalk Saturday morning (which is legit forever long) and I dropped puppy chow off on their doorstep during the Christmas holidays.

Puppy chow as in with Crispix and chocolate and peanut butter and powdered sugar. Not as in dog food. Just to be clear.

So, wow. Tim and I were utterly blown away by their kindness and openness and couldn’t stop looking at each other all, “Did that really just happen?”

We are not used to that kind of people behavior, coming from a place where our neighbors literally avoided us like the plague.

We brought a bottle of wine and a thank you card to the Super Bowl party.

That’s appropriate, right?

All of that activity and………..no baby sprout.

I did have crampiness (not a word, I know) Saturday night and Sunday morning but nothing consistent or what would be considered a *real* contraction. It was just enough to be annoying and to get Tim into semi-nesting mode to make sure the house was picked up and our hospital bags were packed according to our list.

*sigh*

Here’s hoping the full moon AND cold front tomorrow start something productive and promising.

I’m also about to head to the gym and walk my little ass off.

I hear that’s helpful, too.

there’d be no sprout if this had been planned

Tim and I are planners. Type A, anal, neat freaks who like everything to be just so.

We have checklists for everything.

We walk through every single detail of a trip or an outing….except when it comes to going on hikes…or finding somewhere to eat in a new place…but those are two entirely different stories…we’re flawed, people, and we aren’t afraid to admit it.

*However* we organize under our cabinets and sinks and like nice, neat little rows of cleaning supplies. Our garage is spotless. Everything has a place.

We shower. Daily.

We already have a folder for our 2012 taxes.

You get the point, right?

So, imagine how much our brains exploded when we started talking about the potential of having children. It wasn’t pretty.

Back when the conversation first came to light, we were still living in Georgia in the neighborhood that hated us.

I didn’t want to have kids growing up there.

No way in hell.

I was adamant that we would have to move first before any kind of procreation took place. So, Tim and I looked to move locally.

We couldn’t find a location suitable to either of us without making one person drive a ridiculous way to and from work every day.

(insert idea spiraling downward, totally out of control)

Then, Tim started looking for jobs elsewhere. As in not in Georgia.

Funny thing happened a few months…or maybe it was a year…it’s all fuzzy at this point…anyway, Tim ended up getting a job offer at a tee-tiny company based in New England. Except, we wouldn’t get to move to New England.

We had to move to some podunk town in New York that looked freakishly scary on google maps. Seriously, this place…utter desolation…and not in the good way. More like a nuclear bomb went off kind of way.

Long story short, Tim turned down the job.

Another job opportunity didn’t surface for YEARS after that. Tim and I both got promotions at our jobs before he received another offer, if that tells you anything.

Enter most recent job offer that landed us in Colorado.

NOW we could talk about having kids, again. What kid wouldn’t want to grow up in Colorado? What first time parent wouldn’t want to have a kid in Colorado?

Exactly.

It was perfect.

Except…it wasn’t.

Colorado is just a springboard to another job for Tim, so we won’t be here for long. By “long” I mean we could potentially be moving next year. We have no idea when it will happen or where we’ll end up. All we know is that WE’RE MOVING.

(I know I’ve said that before…probably more times than you care to hear…you’ll have to excuse my repeating myself. I can’t even remember the things I say anymore…besides, it has to be said because it makes the story FLOW, you see…)

So….woudn’t it make sense to wait it out…NOT have a child until this second move took place? That seemed more logical…maybe we should wait…maybe just a few more years…you see where this is going, don’t you?

Except, somewhere around eight or so months ago, during a dinner at an Italian restaurant where I’d had one too many glasses of wine, I told Tim, “Yes. Absolutely! I’m ready. Let’s try to have kids.”

What I meant was that I wanted to get down to my goal weight and cut out all kinds of food before we started trying.

What Tim heard was, “Let’s get it on!“

Obviously, the latter happened.

There really is no self control with wine.

Then, a few weeks later I get the three big fat positives on three different brands of pregnancy tests.

And here we are.

Baby sprout on the way.

Tim and I are both convinced that if that conversation had never happened and the (earmuffs, family) condomless weekend never occurred and the sperm had not found the egg on the first shot, literally, baby sprout wouldn’t have…happened. Probably ever. We would have always come up with some reason or excuse or something as to why we should WAIT.

I know everyone says there is never a perfect time to have a child, but Tim and I would have tried like hell to find one.

Whether we ever did or not is debatable. Obviously.

There is no moral to the story other than to say: If you say you’re ready to have kids, you better be absolutely positive you’re ready RIGHT NOW.

it’s our move-a-versary!

I actually cannot believe I’m saying this but….it’s been ONE YEAR since Tim and I took this picture…

…and moved from Georgia to Colorado.

Excuse the crazy, slicked back looking hair…two days in a car that looked like this with five animals to boot will do that to a person.

Happy Anniversary to us!

Seriously, though, where did the time go?!

Also? How is it that we’ve only been here A YEAR and I’m already past the halfway point in pregnancy?

Obviously, Tim didn’t waste any time in the baby department once we got to Colorado.

See, thing is, I told him that once we moved somewhere more…friendly…we could start a family.  Where we lived in Georgia was *not* the place to begin said activity. Let’s just sum it all up and say we were the minority in our neighborhood and surrounding area and the majority woke up every single day, wishing we’d leave.

(believe me, old neighborhood, we were just as happy to be gone)

So, leave we did and the jumping the gun on the whole begin-a-family-proposition, Tim did.

In one shot.