Maybe I’m paying more attention to it this year, I don’t know, but it seems like Father’s Day is everywhere. Best gift for dad! What’s the best advice your dad has ever given you? How much does your dad mean to you? Blah de blah blah.
I wish I had a better attitude about those things. But, I don’t.
Relationship with *my* dad?
Does. Not. Exist.
(I think most of you already know that, but if you’d like some ranty background reading, try this or this or this.)
I honestly can’t think of any helpful advice my dad gave to me. Like, ever.
I am insanely envious of all you people with great dad relationships. I know we can’t have everything in life, but I would be lying if I didn’t say that that would have been something nice to experience. The closest thing I have is Tim’s dad, which is way, way better than nothing at all and I am very thankful for him.
I know that Kellan’s relationship with Tim will be nothing like the one I (don’t) have with my dad. Thank the High Almighty for that. Tim and his dad have a pretty decent relationship. Tim still asks for advice from him, even to this day. That is what I hope happens with Tim and Kellan, though I’m not worried. In fact, I’m pretty sure it will end up working out that way.
So, for me, Father’s Day isn’t about celebrating my own father, which is both true and sad. After years of being hurt, again and again, it was a chapter in my life that I felt best to close.
Honestly, making and acting on that decision resulted in a huge weight being lifted off of my shoulders. Dropping that emotional burden was the right thing to do. I feel so much better. Less stressed. Less negativity. Will I regret not trying (for the nth time) to rebuild a relationship?
Unless he makes drastic changes – and I mean a complete 180, total overhaul in current life and parenting choices – my life is better without him. That was a hard truth for me to swallow, but once the bitterness washed away, I realized that it was what I had needed to move forward in my life.
Sometimes I do wonder if I am doing the right thing…and then, inevitably, something will happen – like getting a cryptic birthday card from him about “truths hidden in your heart” – and I know at that moment that I am. I absolutely am doing the right thing.
This? This is the truth. My truth. My reality. I’m not afraid of it, nor am I hiding from it. YOU may have that load to bear, but I dropped mine long ago.
Do you see what I mean about stress and negativity? Who sends their daughter a 30th birthday card with that kind of message?
That example is exactly why I cut off all contact. And because I consciously decided to do this, years ago, his attempts (and me wracking my brain trying to figure it all out) at whatever it is he’s trying to do no longer sit in the pit of my stomach but instead roll off my back like water on a duck.
Instead, I now focus on the positive, happy, fulfilling things, like celebrating Tim being a wonderful dad andKellan building a strong relationship with him.
Don’t feel sorry or sad for me. Be happy that I finally realized what was best and healthiest for me and my own little family of three and took the necessary steps to keep us all emotionally sane.
So, Happy Father’s Day to all of the amazing dads out there! There are so many more awesome dads than not, and all of you lucky people who have one? Go give him an extra tight hug. He’s earned it.
PS: I understand some of you will disagree with me/my decisions, but that is the beauty of your life versus mine. You get to live yours. I get to live mine. We both get to make decisions that are best for us, in our own life, because we walk that path every day and know what is best for our mental, emotional, and physical health. We know our past and we know what will give us a better future, versus only getting a glimpse into someone’s world and judging their decisions based on a tiny snapshot.