I’m not sure, exactly, what it is…but I’ll chalk it up to having a sentimental moment. Maybe I should keep those kinds of things to myself…and I usually do…but this one I felt I should share…
And if this is your first time reading my blog…I’m not usually like this. I’m actually overly sarcastic and brutally honest…like this. Or this. Or this. So, if you want a good cross-section of who I am…read those…skip this and come back tomorrow…just sayin. Oh, and sometimes I say fuck.
Of the blogs and comments I’ve read lately…there is only one sentence that I keep coming back to, over and over:
Holy shit…I had no idea.
I realize that a blog serves a special and unique purpose for every individual who takes a few moments each day to write…some an outlet…others information…and to a few, a place to go to heal.
Most of what I write comes across as sunshine and rainbows and happy go lucky dancing unicorns and fairies, even when I’m getting shitballs thrown at me. And in all honesty, that wasn’t why I started a blog.
What I mean is, I didn’t start a blog to talk about shitballs.
I started a blog just to see what would happen…to see who was out there and if anyone really gave a damn about what I had to say.
In the beginning…in the wee early stages of this blog…I began to think I was right…nobody gave a damn.
But…over the past few months, you have shown me that I was wrong. That the answer is yes, you do care…you care more than I ever, in my wildest dreams, thought possible. You give me purpose to what I do…all the way down to the days I sometimes agonize over what I’m writing all, “Is this good enough?”
I’ve also learned that I’ve given someone a chuckle on a bad day…or a tiny giggle when they thought the ability to laugh had left them long ago…a place to go for even a few moments separation from whatever hell they may currently be experiencing…or living.
Life never seems fair. We always want more…or think someone has it so much better…or feel like some people were just handed a pass to easy street.
And as I’ve been reading your stories…your life…your day-to-day struggles that may sometimes make you ask yourself, “Why do I continue to fight?” I realize that I should be grateful. I should stop for a damn second…because I am in awe of you…of how you still stand tall even with the cards you were dealt…with what hurt or pain, frustration or heartache you live with EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.
And you still manage to find the good…the small things to be thankful for.
It makes me feel ashamed to even THINK about complaining about tiny, little, minute irritations.
Because on top of all that, on top of reading all of your words where the raw emotion bleeds through…I never imagined my words…my “bitching”…would make someone halfway across the globe smile…or my all-out rant on mundane chores would let someone else know that they’re not alone in their frustrations…or to have someone tell me, “thank you…I needed that today.”
So I keep writing.
Because I never know who it will impact…or who may really need to hear that they are not the only person who wants to take a blow-torch to their kitchen.
But, I never knew how much of an influence you would have on my life.
It was something I didn’t see coming…how thankful you would make me feel for the life I have been blessed with…
And I am forever indebted to you for that.