it’s the giant diarrhea poo that gets you

We have had a ridiculous amount of sickness in our house this year.

And I don’t like it.

I’m not used to being sick or getting sick or dealing with SICK.

Tim pretty much has to have a 104 degree fever before I relent and become sympathetic. I know. My sympathy bone isn’t very strong. It’s a work in progress.

When it comes to Kellan being sick, I’m always sympathetic and patient and all the things a mom should be (snot rag, barf catcher, all night nurse). It’s kind of disgusting to be able to add being both thrown up on and pooped on to my list of life achievements, but there it is.

The thing that took me by surprise the most is that when those things happen, I’m not grossed out. It’s like that queasy, gag reflex, freak out reaction gets put into a closet in my brain and I just go to work and do whatever needs to be done. And here’s the kicker – I do it in a completely calm state. I don’t even think about the actual reality that is warm barf running down my arms.

I guess that’s what happens when you become a mom. I would end that sentence with a question mark but there really is no point in doing so. That IS what happens. At least in my case.

Since the winter started, we (as in Kellan) have had probably three colds, two (possibly three…one kind of stopped and re-started with a few days respite in between) stomach bugs, a random virus that came with a fever and then turned into a cold, and herpangina. And probably a few other things I can’t remember.

O.M.G.

I don’t think I’ve had that much sickness in my entire life.

The h-e-double hockey sticks?!

Suffice all of this sickness to say, I’ve learned how to decontaminate. And how to get at least a few hours of sleep with a kid-turned-snot-factory.

Our routine for colds goes something like this:

Constant-on cool mist humidifier in the room where he sleeps.

Roll up towels to elevate the top part of the bed to allow gravity to assist in the snot drainage.

Bulb syringe snot evacuation and then squirt saline spray in his nose throughout the day.

At night, Tim turns the shower on as hot as it will go and sits in the bathroom with Kellan for fifteen or so minutes, with a towel blocking the crack under the door to keep it as steamy as possible. Then he takes a bath in the steamed room to give him extra steam time.

Post bath it’s more bulb syringe time (we tried Nose Frida…didn’t work as well/Kellan freaked out). Saline spray. Baby Vicks on his feet and then cover with socks. Keep the humidifier going and if he seems like he is in pain, Tylenol.

I really think colds are the worst. When Kellan can’t breathe, he wakes up AT ALL HOURS. If he has a stomach bug, at least he sleeps….until his stomach starts hurting and he wakes up crying and then takes the most giant, smelly diarrhea poo that no diaper will ever – ever – possibly contain, so much so that the poo has defied gravity and traveled all the way up to his neck in the span of the five seconds it takes you to realize what is happening and pick him up. So, now, we both require a complete outfit change and a bedding swap out and by the time everything is all said and done, everyone is wide awake and probably needs a shower. At 2am.

Oy.

baby model

EVERYONE…and I mean EVERY.ONE. keeps telling me…us…that Kellan should model or be in commercials.

Complete strangers will legit stop me in the grocery store or mall or wherever we happen to be to tell me this. Or to tell me how cute he is or how awesome his hair is or whatever.

And I’d brush it off if this did not happen every. single. time. we go anywhere.

Really? Is he *that* cute or do I just shop when all the people who really love babies are out? I mean, of course *I* think he’s the most adorable baby ever, but I’m also his mother…so that’s a given.

Tim and I have talked about it…but I feel weird seeking out an agent or agency or whatever/whoever it is you’re supposed to contact. It feels…I don’t know. Just….weird. I know zero about the process.

He has no issues with cameras…thanks to the probably million pictures we have taken of him to date…so I’m not really concerned with his ability to “perform,” per se…and at the same time, what are the odds, really, that anyone would really be interested? 0.00001%, probably. That’s how the business works, right?

I figure if it is meant to be, it will happen? Right? Or is that not how it works?

What are your thoughts? Experience with this, anyone?

Don’t worry. I’m not one of those parents who plan on, um, galavanting all over the Internet town, throwing Kellan in everyone’s face all, “Just look at this kid! He’s perfect!”

I’m just thinking out loud, is all.

I realize I haven’t posted many pictures of Kellan m recently, so…

eye-ron

***I would just like to say I noticed that I have almost 300 people who have subscribed to this tiny blog. Really?? Wow! Are you guys actually reading this or am I junk mail? I hope I’m not junk mail. I certainly don’t feel like junk mail…I digress.***

Really, iron. I just say “eye ron” in my head because Tim and I have this thing where that’s what we say when someone has to iron a piece of clothing. As in: “Will you please ‘eye ron’ my shirt?”

And for the record, it’s usually me asking because A: I am the worst ironer ever (like, ever. My shirts usually have more permanent-until-it’s-washed wrinkles after I iron. It usually looked better beforehand with the soft wrinkles I was trying to remove) and B: Tim has been ironing his clothes since kindergarten (for serious) and he has 13 years on me, so he’s obviously the expert.

Who messes with perfection? Amiright?!

Anyhow, that’s a REALLY long winded way of explaining why the title is eye-ron when I really mean iron.

And by iron I really wanted to talk about iron the mineral, not iron the cloth smoothing device I’ve yet to master.

SO.

Iron. The mineral. The thing we need so we aren’t anemic. The thing Kellan is apparently low on.

He was checked at his nine month appointment and was 9.9. He should be at 10.5-12. They told us to do iron drops (poly-vi-sol). Those made him ridiculously constipated. They told us to do every other day. Kellan got sick multiple times (stomach bugs and herpangina and who knows what else. I’ve lost track) and would go a week at a time without eating (save breast feeding), on multiple occasions.

The kid refuses meat of all varieties. We finally got him to try shredded BBQ chicken that I made in the crockpot the other day. It was a huge success, even though he only ate a tiny bit.

We give him green smoothies (spinach). We try to pair citrus foods with iron rich foods to help iron absorption. And we limit yogurt to one meal a day, since calcium hinders iron absorption.

(You’re saying “eye-ron” in your head now, aren’t you? It’s catchy, no?)

I’m telling you all of this because when we went back for his 12 month appointment, his levels dropped to 9.0.

Now? Daily iron supplements and as much iron rich foods as possible. He will be checked again at his 15 month appointment and if they haven’t improved or if they drop again? Blood draws to check for other potential issues.

I’m pretty sure it’s just low iron due to him not getting enough in his diet. However, I’m also slightly perplexed. In my (admittedly limited) research, it seems like many breastfed babies have this low iron issue in the 6-12 month range – after their stored iron is depleted.

One reason I found for low iron levels in young babies was to protect their gut from E. coli, since the iron in breast milk is absorbed at a rate around 49% (though it isn’t much iron) and the iron is only available to baby via and not bacteria like E. coli…here is the info, plus more, about all that.

Anyway, Tim and I are both struggling with this. The low iron. The supplements. The reason his iron is low in the first place. Part of our brain feels like there IS a reason, biologically, this is happening. Maybe not related to protecting him from intestinal bacteria but something. Why else would so many breastfed babies turn up with low iron? I mean, I read a theory about how we used to sleep on the ground and get iron absorbed brought the dirt we ate as babies way back in the day because everyone knows babies put everything in their mouths.

But what about the places with snow on the ground ten months out of the year? What dirt were those babies eating? I’m just saying.

Anyhow, theories? Observations? Experience with this? We *are* giving Kellan the iron supplement but we are also struggling with the *why* — it just seems like there is a reason…that this low iron isn’t necessarily a bad thing but instead a protective measure (or something) and will correct itself in due time, as nature intended.

I could be way off, here, which is why I’m asking you guys if you have had similar issues with your kids or have some kind of insight as to WHY.

trust the gut

I really have so much to say…except I never have time to sit down at the computer to write anything. Well, it’s not time, per se, it’s the small child who is going through a helluva developmental spurt and is clingy as all get out. It’s wonder week 55, at your service.

The child reaches and cries for me even when I am less than two feet away and – AND – his father has him, if that tells you anything.

Some moments of some (read: a lot) days I feel like this clinginess will be the end of my sanity. Then, I have to remind myself that Kellan isn’t doing this on purpose or with malice and intent to drive his mother crazy. He’s doing it because he needs me. He needs to feel secure and comforted and loved.

He still is not walking, though he’s getting closer and closer to doing so every day. Just last night when he was sitting in Tim’s lap, he stood up on his own and started taking a few solo steps forward.

That?

Huge.

He has gone from being absolutely refusing to take a step by himself anywhere to willingly letting go of a piece of furniture to take one or two “close my eyes and scrunch up my face in preparation for impact” steps to me.

And now, he has been deciding to just start walking somewhere, completely unprompted.

It’s happening soon, this walking. I just know it. And at 27 pounds and 32 inches long, my back is ready for it, I can assure you.

The independence that comes with the waking, though, is what is partially causing the clingy behavior. He’s really beginning to realize that he is not me and I am not him, but instead he is his own, separate person.

Begin operation random “check in” nursing sessions in between playing and crying like something terrible just happened if I am not literally touching my mommy.

It’s a thing, people. A real and challenging thing, this mental development.

I’ve been doing what seems and feels right, for me and for Kellan. I’m planning on allowing him to self wean versus me putting a time limit on it, with a “no more by x date” and a hard stop in mind. We still co-sleep and probably will for awhile. I’m not really setting limits on that, either. We’ll do it until we don’t need to anymore – whenever that happens to be.

I know there are other moms who want or need their child in their crib in a separate room. And moms who need to stop breast feeding. And that’s fine. I’m of the mind that whatever works and is best for you and your family? Do it.

The arrangement we have with Kellan is what works for us and regardless of what any expert or doctor or anyone else says, I’m listening to my mommy instinct and following that.

Tim told me the other day that if I say something doesn’t seem right or we should do X because I’m having reservations (like removing something in Kellan’s environment that doesn’t seem dangerous but my gut says it is) or whatever “it” happens to be that my mommy instinct is throwing warning flags up about, he doesn’t question it at all. He said that it has been right 99% of the time, no matter how strange my request or reservation or suggestion may be.

I cannot even explain it, the automatic mommy instinct. It just is.

Even though I may get twinges of, “I wish Kellan did that”- like sleeping through he night or not needing to nurse to sleep – I know that the ways to make either of those things happen will require some form of sleep training or another…and my mommy gut tells me that’s not right for Kellan. I know that he will eventually fall asleep on his own consistently, sans nursing, and sleep in his own bed, in his own room. I’m just allowing him to do it on his own timeline instead of mine. That’s what is right for us. If your method is different than mine? No big deal. No judgement.

If you happen to be another mom who is doing the same kind of thing that I’m doing?

I just wanted to let you know that you’re not alone. I realize *this* way is a bit more challenging at times. However, I know it will be worth it in the end.

dear kellan: one year!

One year ago you and I we were confused and scared and wet and cold…or maybe it was just you who was wet and cold. I was actually about to pass out, thank you super long labor (12am Sunday morning to 6:37pm Sunday night) meds and no food for over twenty four hours. We have come a looooong way, you and me and daddy, in this past year. Who knew that our tiny little boy would become this vibrant baby with a sense of humor and strong personality in such a short time.

The other day, we were watching Alice in Wonderland for research purposes for your birthday (the Mad Hatter’s Tea Party). There is this part where she is singing in forest and all the animals (well, the things that are supposed to be animals) begin coming out and watching her sing. There is this duck that looks more like a horn on a bike. She has baby horn ducks and as they creep out of the bushes, one of the baby ducks ventures out in front of his mom and then he realizes how far away he is and turns around and runs back to his mom, hiding behind her back and then peeking up carefully from his protected position. That made me think of you and your clinginess. And it all made sense. You and that baby duck are one in the same.

All of the things you have been trying to do this month makes the clinginess even more pronounced. You have found your walking legs, though you still need us to hold your hands, and you want to walk everywhere. It seemed to start right at the beginning of the month when we when to the park with a friend (1/19) and you decided that you wanted to walk up and down the stairs on the playground and everywhere in between. Now, you want to walk up and down the stairs in the house, which is funny, because you take these huuuuge steps to try and walk up each step like we do, one foot and then the other, step after step. It is funny your legs are long enough to accomplish such a feat!

This month has been busy, for sure, but I feel like I say that every month. I guess we just like to do stuff – which is a good thing. You seem to love going places and experiencing everything. You have always been such an expressive child and your likes and dislikes come out more and more as each day passes. One of your funniest moments to date was when we were grocery shopping (1/21) and you somehow managed to get your Sophie teething giraffe underneath you and kept bouncing up and down, squeaking it, over and over and over. I finally clued in as to what was happening and took a video of it and sent it to America’s Funniest Videos. The whole exchange was hysterical. Not only had you made up your own game, but you answered my questions about Sophie (Where is Sophie? Sit! Can you squeak her? Yes!)

And then, as if I needed another example of your silliness, we went to breakfast with a friend a few days later (1/24), sans daddy (for both moms). I was holding you in the booth and then sat you down next to me for a minute so I could do something (who knows what it was, there was so much commotion with three kids and two moms and ordering food…). Then, when I picked you up to sit in my lap again, you didn’t have any pants on.

HOW????

I looked at my friend like, “Um. Kellan took off his pants.”

Never a day goes by where you don’t crack us up. It is one of my favorite things about you…your ability to make us laugh, no matter what is going on.

So, let us talk about sleep for a second, shall we?

After a YEAR of me having no idea what kind of schedule you were trying to create when it came to naps and sleep, something happened, finally (1/25)!!

A pattern!

You now like to nap “around” 8am and 12pm for varied lengths of time and then bedtime is 6pm. Our bath routine is apparently really important, too, as that signals bedtime for you in a big, big way. If, for some reason, there isn’t a bath, it is really hard to get you to go to bed. We also have this thing where daddy takes you up to the bath to fill the tub and get you ready while I put out all the post-bath stuff. Then, I (still) get in the tub with you and daddy washes you and then he also does all of the post-bath stuff (diaper cream, lotion, etc). I lay down in bed to get ready to nurse you. Daddy lays you down and you wait for him to give you a kiss and say goodnight and then you nurse…and sleep.

If *I* try to do the daddy part of the routine?

Tears, usually.

I had no idea that the order of activity (and the person doing it) was so ingrained in your mind. It is kind of interesting to see it, though. It gives me insight on how you are and what you like. It helps me. So, thank you.

We went to San Diego for my birthday for a long weekend, and even though our nap routine was kind of scattered, we still did a bath with you every night, which really helped. You slept like a rock while we were there. You may have woken up once during the night, but that was it. I’m sure all of the activity during the day really wore you out. We went to the zoo and the beach and your favorite, favorite, favorite thing of the whole trip?

Concrete barriers to keep cars off the boardwalk.

I’m serious.

You went bananas over those things, “Touch! Touch! Touch!” every time we passed them.

It is nice you have a decent vocabulary, though, so we can communicate and understand what it is you want or need. You do have a word for everything you don’t know how to say. It’s “bup.” You do this hand thing that isn’t really pointing with a finger but more of an entitled wave thing that says “that, mummy, over there…yes, do kindly bring it to me.”

Anyhow, the day after we got home from San Diego, you had a horrible, horrible time sleeping. You would try to nurse but wouldn’t because you were in pain (that I thought was from teething), so you would just hold onto the boob and then fall back asleep. It was pitiful and sad. Turns out, it wasn’t just teething. You ended up getting really sick (2/6) and we had to take you to the ER (again) because you weren’t eating or drinking or nursing, which meant you weren’t peeing, though you had watery diarrhea that smelled like WHOA.

All of that meant you were getting dehydrated – hence ER visit.

Turns out, you had herpangina, which were these really awful blisters in the back of your throat, which was why you weren’t nursing. Apparently you probably got it in San Diego, since it lives in warmer climates and isn’t common in Colorado in the winter. I was kind of thinking I had the same thing, since I had been feeling blah, too, and my throat was killing me. I cannot even imagine how you felt.

Thanks, San Diego. Well, really, thanks airplanes and airports.

We went back to the ER again the next day (2/7) because you were still having diarrhea AND throwing up AND you weren’t drinking much of anything.

You were fine, though we were there for FOREVER because A: you were ok and B: they had a few super sick kiddos come in and they kind of forgot we were there. I mean, I totally understand but you were not very happy. You decided to pick your nose for the first time as we said goodbye to the doctor…pulled out a nasty long booger, too. I guess that was your, “I’ve wanted to leave for AN HOUR, this one’s for you” send off because you haven’t done it since.

Again with the sense of humor…

Granted, mommy and daddy were ready to get out, too.

And then? The next day?

I texted Tim around three in the morning, asking him if he was throwing up because I heard him go to the bathroom and I had been laying in bed, feeling awful and feverish and super, super sick. Turns out, he was throwing up and we were both feverish and sick. That whole weekend was terrible. I pretty much tried to lay in bed and keep the TV on to entertain you while Tim camped out in the bathroom, emptying the contents of everything.

I hope that never, ever happens again, the entire family sick and unable to do anything but basically survive. I am slightly thankful that you weren’t feeling 100%, because it meant you didn’t want to eat regular food or move around much, which was perfect for me.

We even decided to reschedule your birthday because we were all still in recovery mode. So, we will celebrate on March 9 with all of your friends.

No worries, though, we still had a little birthday celebration with you on your birthday with your Mimi, who came to see you for your birthday weekend (2/15-2/19). You had so much fun with her! I was worried that you would be a little apprehensive, since you had been so clingy, but you two got along like old pals. It was really cute to watch you two interact and play. She brought you books, too, and you love them! Your love and desire for reading is incredible! We read stories all the time. You could probably read stories all day long. Well, intermixed with watching Winnie the Pooh. You ask to watch it, now, by doing your hand wave thing at the TV. There is a part where a red balloon comes into the picture and you start saying “baba! baba!” in the scene right before the balloon one. That blows our minds! You anticipate!

I’m just going to do a quick run down of some of the other things that happened this month, since it seems like the older you get, the more things you accomplish in such a short time!

2/13: You pulled a pillow over your head to nurse and fell asleep like that for your afternoon nap. It was pretty funny.

2/15: You pulled up using the Zany Zoo. This was the first time you actually pulled up from a sitting position! Yay! You started doing it from my lap and I slowly moved my legs away so you would pull up and then sit down on the floor. You did this over and over and over and over! You actually started whining while pulling up. I’m guessing your legs were getting tired. You didn’t stop, though. I guess you really wanted to practice your new skill.

2/15: You have gone from gagging on everything you put into your mouth to shoving half a strawberry in your maw and handling it with no problem. Strawberries are your current favorite food, by the way. That and toast with cinnamon and butter for breakfast.

2/19: Your birthday “day” was jam packed! We had breakfast (a waffle with a “1″ candle in it), opened Mimi’s present to you, took Mimi to the airport to go home, went to Big Daddy Bagels for second breakfast, did your cake smash picture (you didn’t really smash it though) and ONE pictures, FaceTimed with Nonni and Papa, did a wagon ride around the neighborhood in your wagon from Nonni and Papa, went to Grandrabbits so you could pick out your birthday present (out of allllllllll the toys, you immediately picked out a green ball – of course. Balls are your favorite), had dinner at Which Wich (an employee came over and talked to us and found out it was your birthday and made you a free cookie – which you loved – and a fruit roll up, which I didn’t give you), came home and opened MORE presents from your cousins and aunts and uncles, watched Winnie the Pooh and finally, took a picture of you next to the clock at the time you were both (6:37pm). You pretty much crashed after that, as did mommy and daddy.

I’m not sure if you’ll be walking by yourself by the time I write your next letter, but even if you aren’t, it’s ok. My back can probably handle another month (I kid, I kid).

You are the most amazing, wonderful, happy person in the whole wide world. I have no idea what your daddy and I did before you came about. You bring so much life and meaning and joy to us, every day, every minute. You even bring joy to others. Everywhere we go – and I mean EVERYWHERE – someone will stop us and say how cute you are. You bring smiles to faces of complete strangers. I’m not even sure if you realize how much that means, but it means a lot to be able to brighten someone’s day with a smile or with your cute curly hair. We are so, so hoping it stays curly…but if not, you’ll still be the cutest kid ever.

I love you so, so much, my little helpless baby who is quickly turning into an independent toddler!

mommy

the things we do

You know, I was never *really* sure if I would actually, literally, stop what I was doing instantaneously – INSTANTANEOUSLY – if Kellan needed me.

Then, one day not so long ago, I left Kellan on the floor in the family room to go to the bathroom. All of a sudden, I hear a strange sound and then…silence…and then….the panic cry.

You moms know the panic cry.

I ran out of the bathroom before A: I was finished and B: my pants were on.

He was fine, by the way, as were my pants and legs, after a thorough washing.

Also? Tim has witnessed me throw food – haphazardly…no, maniacally -that I was juuust about to eat because, mid-bite, an emergency started unfolding with Kellan (are you choking????) and my hand automatically let go of the fork/spoon/food.

Where did it land?

I have no idea but I’m positive I saw the pea come out of Kellan’s mouth.

Then, the other day I was literally on my hands and knees in the grocery store to dig out the last box of his favorite crackers, probably mooning everyone within sight.

You must understand.

He only likes THESE SPECIFIC CRACKERS.

Apparently, I’m not below getting down and reaching into the depths of the shelf for the last box of crackers.

I see why, now, kids think their moms are embarrassing. Look at me, running out of the bathroom sans pants, jumping up and throwing food everywhere whilst contorting myself into yogic positions to barely reach your most favorite crackers in the very, very, very back of the bottom shelf.

(Dear Grocery Store: Your shelves are entirely too deep. My arms are abnormally long and *I* could barely grab those crackers. Imagine if I was of average height?)

Newsflash: We’re doing all these crazy things for you, kid. I’m honestly not a fan of peeing on my own leg, either.

happy birthday!

One year ago today we were blessed with this amazing little boy. Life has never been the same since…and it also has never been more fulfilling, joyful, or complete.

Our perfect miracle has brought so much life and love to our family over this past year. I could never imagine my world any other way.

Happy Birthday, Kellan!

With all the love my heart can hold, plus so much more.

Mommy