trust the gut

I really have so much to say…except I never have time to sit down at the computer to write anything. Well, it’s not time, per se, it’s the small child who is going through a helluva developmental spurt and is clingy as all get out. It’s wonder week 55, at your service.

The child reaches and cries for me even when I am less than two feet away and – AND – his father has him, if that tells you anything.

Some moments of some (read: a lot) days I feel like this clinginess will be the end of my sanity. Then, I have to remind myself that Kellan isn’t doing this on purpose or with malice and intent to drive his mother crazy. He’s doing it because he needs me. He needs to feel secure and comforted and loved.

He still is not walking, though he’s getting closer and closer to doing so every day. Just last night when he was sitting in Tim’s lap, he stood up on his own and started taking a few solo steps forward.

That?

Huge.

He has gone from being absolutely refusing to take a step by himself anywhere to willingly letting go of a piece of furniture to take one or two “close my eyes and scrunch up my face in preparation for impact” steps to me.

And now, he has been deciding to just start walking somewhere, completely unprompted.

It’s happening soon, this walking. I just know it. And at 27 pounds and 32 inches long, my back is ready for it, I can assure you.

The independence that comes with the waking, though, is what is partially causing the clingy behavior. He’s really beginning to realize that he is not me and I am not him, but instead he is his own, separate person.

Begin operation random “check in” nursing sessions in between playing and crying like something terrible just happened if I am not literally touching my mommy.

It’s a thing, people. A real and challenging thing, this mental development.

I’ve been doing what seems and feels right, for me and for Kellan. I’m planning on allowing him to self wean versus me putting a time limit on it, with a “no more by x date” and a hard stop in mind. We still co-sleep and probably will for awhile. I’m not really setting limits on that, either. We’ll do it until we don’t need to anymore – whenever that happens to be.

I know there are other moms who want or need their child in their crib in a separate room. And moms who need to stop breast feeding. And that’s fine. I’m of the mind that whatever works and is best for you and your family? Do it.

The arrangement we have with Kellan is what works for us and regardless of what any expert or doctor or anyone else says, I’m listening to my mommy instinct and following that.

Tim told me the other day that if I say something doesn’t seem right or we should do X because I’m having reservations (like removing something in Kellan’s environment that doesn’t seem dangerous but my gut says it is) or whatever “it” happens to be that my mommy instinct is throwing warning flags up about, he doesn’t question it at all. He said that it has been right 99% of the time, no matter how strange my request or reservation or suggestion may be.

I cannot even explain it, the automatic mommy instinct. It just is.

Even though I may get twinges of, “I wish Kellan did that”- like sleeping through he night or not needing to nurse to sleep – I know that the ways to make either of those things happen will require some form of sleep training or another…and my mommy gut tells me that’s not right for Kellan. I know that he will eventually fall asleep on his own consistently, sans nursing, and sleep in his own bed, in his own room. I’m just allowing him to do it on his own timeline instead of mine. That’s what is right for us. If your method is different than mine? No big deal. No judgement.

If you happen to be another mom who is doing the same kind of thing that I’m doing?

I just wanted to let you know that you’re not alone. I realize *this* way is a bit more challenging at times. However, I know it will be worth it in the end.

5 Responses to “trust the gut”


  1. 1 Shannon February 26, 2013 at 11:22 am

    We had a conversation relating to this last night in our household. All of our friends have completely different parenting techniques and not one is perfect but it is perfect for that family and just makes sense for them. If every kid was raised the same way our world would be quite boring. You know what is best for you and Kellan. What you two do may even be different than what you do with your next kid but yes, trust your gut, you are a good Mommy.

  2. 2 Adrianne February 26, 2013 at 3:05 pm

    So great and so true!! I *try* to take the same approach, but admittedly sometimes get hung up what what I think we SHOULD be doing. I had a rough 12 month timeline for nursing, which got extended to about 14.5 months and even now, I wish I hadn’t forced my daughter to wean. I don’t think she was ready, but I had started a new medication that I didn’t feel comfortable being passed to her (even though it’s supposed to be safe). So I had conflicting gut feelings, but I still wish I hadn’t had to wean her like that.

    And YES to the clinginess!!! We’ve been going through the exact same thing in our house…she will scream sometimes when my husband pries her away from me. The walking only helped minimally as she is now almost 18 months, has been walking for 7 months, and is still SOO clingy! Hang in there, it will get better and in a few years we will only WISH our kids wanted to be near us all the time:)

  3. 4 Taryn February 26, 2013 at 3:40 pm

    You sound like such a loving and intuitive mother. I hope I can be as strong as you.


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