christmas shouldn’t be so complicated

I’m currently living in the world of transitioning from three naps to two. If you have zero children, this period of time can basically be described like this:

HI, CRANKY PANTS.

We wear our rally caps daily, now. Last night’s five-hour (!!!!!!!) rally included a family dance party. It worked…for maybe three songs…then we had to give in and start bath time. There’s only so much you can do.

I guess that’s where I’ve been? Along with Christmas shopping.  Just FYI – making an Amazon wish list is basically a gateway drug to full on whipping out the credit card and buying things. I’ve been getting shipping notifications for things I don’t even remember ordering. I’m not even sure what that says about me.

I’m struggling as to what I’m going to get Tim. He is the hardest person to buy for because he doesn’t want little things. He wants big things. Granted, there are only two “big” things he wants, but, still. Oh, wait. He wants “big” things and then stuff like a SHOP VAC.

Really?

Here. allow me to put that under the tree. I’ll un-box it and put it together and everything. How charming.

Buying a shop vac is zero percent fulfilling when it comes to Christmas shopping. I’m just saying.

We made an Amazon wish list that we both put stuff on so we would know what the other person wanted. Once we were mostly finished, I went to check the list and…um…

Me: Our budget is what, again? And you put a SIXTY INCH TELEVISION on it?! And a camera?

Tim: You said…

Me: ….and you said you didn’t want a new TV because of the reviews. YOU said.

Tim: Also? I go to check because you said you put stuff for you on the list and what do I see? Dog stuff. Kellan stuff. And ONE THING for you. ONE!

Me: You said you already knew what you were getting me AND you said not to say things I wanted because then if you were already planning on getting them, it would seem like you only got them because I said I wanted them when you were already planning on it…your words, not mine.

Tim: True…

Me: So, really, what’s the budget?

Tim: ONE DOLLAR. For you. Because I’m already over.

Me: OMG.

And then? We learn that Christmas lights are full of lead. Which? Bad, bad, bad for babies. We found a website who sells lights that are supposed to be RoHS (Restrictive of Hazardous Materials) compliant, which means the lead levels are nowhere near as bad as the lights you pick up anywhere around here.

The lights we ordered came last night and they are WAY TOO YELLOW.  So much so that we are going to have to return them.

Then Tim is like, “You realize that we have to pay to return them (WHAT?!) AND then pay for shipping on new lights (WHAT?!) if we want to order more.

WHAT?!

Dear Go Green LED Bulbs – that’s insane. It may be your policy but, still. IN.SANE. It will cost us almost $20 in shipping…or more. I don’t even know.

Also? Your picture of the “antique” lights is extremely misleading. This yellow you have on your website? MULTIPLY BY A HUNDRED SHADES OF YELLOW.

lights

We haven’t re-ordered any lights from them, yet. I’m still debating because OMG. We have to pay to return them because they are WRONG. We also found a warning label inside the box, so now we aren’t even sure if they ARE RoHS compliant, even though their website says they are. We’ve already sent an email. Awaiting a response…

All this. For lights.

Last night, I was all, “Maybe we just won’t put lights on the tree because I’m not putting our old [lead filled] lights on.”

Tim: Then we aren’t getting a tree because I’m not putting up a tree without lights. That’s ridiculous.

Me: Might as well cancel Christmas, then.

Tim: Seriously? You’re going there? That’s a little over the top.

Me: And Christmas with no tree is better?!

[begin mutual silent treatment while we watch Homeland]

Christmas shouldn’t be so complicated, people. Yet, here we are. No decorations. No tree. No damn lights.

5 Responses to “christmas shouldn’t be so complicated”


  1. 1 Evelyn November 30, 2012 at 11:33 am

    Screw the lights and the tree and the presents and the hoopla and the stress and the resultant arguing. Baby’s first Christmas. There’s your focus. And your joy.

  2. 2 Shannon November 30, 2012 at 1:13 pm

    I’m with evelyn…Baby’s first Christmas. It doesn’t have to be perfect it just has to be:)

    • 3 Evelyn November 30, 2012 at 3:31 pm

      Shannon, I’m taking advantage of Jessica here as I was following your blog but am no longer able to. Hope your trip to Mexico was everything you wanted it to be.

  3. 4 Arielle December 1, 2012 at 8:07 am

    How about a real Christmas tree (you know, not the plastic kind) and real candles. Because they will for sure have the right shade of yellow.

    Ok, kidding here. ;) Just thought your post was funny in a it-happens-to-everyone kind of way :)

  4. 5 littleduckies December 3, 2012 at 7:18 am

    You’re nominated for the Super Sweet Blog Award. :)


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