It really is a good thing Tim and I waited as long as we did to have a child. Partly because I had to break Tim in…his being a bachelor for 34 years
kind of definitely had him in a groove all, “I can do/buy/go what/where I want, whenever I want.” his house also stayed super, squeaky clean. Like, don’t put the towel back on the stove crooked because OMG.
What? I’m totally serious.
It all ended in a screaming match one day while we were still dating with me all, “Don’t go behind me and fix everything I do! And Tim all, “But you’re doing it wrong!”
We eventually found a happy medium where I try to make sure the towel is straight and he doesn’t fix it if it isn’t.
Actually, I don’t think either of us even care anymore about how straight the towel is, just so long as it’s there.
The whole point I’m not exactly making very well is that we had A TON of growing and maturing and compromising to do before we added a child into the mix because had we tried to pop one out the year after we got married??
Mistake. Biiiiig mistake.
Year two of marriage is a hell of a lot harder than year one. Year two was
probably the most difficult year we have had to date. Year two is the year where things get real. The pre-wedding/wedding/honeymoon phase is over. OVER.
It’s just you and your honey. Day in…and day out.
Welcome to the learning curve where you have to learn the true meaning of compromise.
Bringing a baby into that mishmash of “what the hell is going on here…no one told me marriage meant THIS” would have hindered a very important step that Tim and I had to take in order to survive these first few months as a family of three.
The foundation building one.
Yes, we had a pre-marriage/friendship foundation but that’s totally different than the post wedding, can I really live the “until death do us part,” part?
Don’t make a baby until you have a real, honest answer to that question.
I mean, I guess every marriage is unique and maybe you got married and had a baby within a year or so and are still together fifty years this past June, forever and ever amen.
But, what worked for you definitely wouldn’t have worked for Tim and me.
I told Tim I was writing this and he was all, “I know. We had to learn how to fight.”
And I was all, “You realize we still have no idea what we’re doing.”
For good or bad, we are two very, very strong Type A personalities who birthed an A+.
Welcome to our crazy, anal little life that had Tim cleaning toilets while Kellan and I were napping and me vacuuming the house with a baby on my hip.
Had we tried this a few years post-wedding?
I honestly don’t know if we would have made it…and if we had, serious damage would have been done. Relationship damage, I mean. We did have to learn how to deal with each other, stubborn mules we both are. Say ‘no’ and we dig our heels in harder.
I’m not sure if we handle conflict the best way possible or if we are a shining example of a happy marriage, but we make it work, which is so important now, since that marriage we had before 2/19/12 has taken a backseat to one Kellan Bold.
I don’t know if a marriage without a foundation…without a few years to figure each other out would survive this infancy stage. It’s hard. We’re tired and stressed and snippy…did I mention tired?
I feel like I’m rambling…I probably am…I guess my whole point is that had we done the baby dance right out of the gate, I may or may not be telling you the same story right now.
Confucius say: don’t make baby without strong foundation.