This might scare non-parents away from having children.
For that…I’m not really sorry…because someone needs to tell you the truth.
May as well be me.
There is no gradual adjustment to parenthood. The second the baby comes out your life is forever changed, ready or not.
Your “typical” lazy weekends or impromptu “let’s go for a run” moments vanish. The priority becomes the baby and FYI: the baby doesn’t allow for a lazy weekend or impromptu anything. With a baby, one must plan hours in advance to make sure they’re fed and have slept or will sleep and are in their “happy hour” window instead of the cranky pants one.
The phone call I’ve gotten every day for seven years while Tim is on way home from work? Gone. Replaced by baby care. Phone calls? Who has time for those?
The routine evenings of dinner and watching DVRed shows? Those no longer exist. We’re lucky to get through one 30 minute show without a diaper change or crying fit or the need for the food train (nursing).
Obviously, it has been really hard to adjust to the *new* normal. 99.9% of my day is spent caring for a baby and the other .01 percent is spent in the shower. My 20 minute “baby break.”
It’s different from any other “job” I’ve had. Those ended at 5pm-ish. Those I could detach myself from mentally and physically.
The job of “mom” doesn’t allow for either luxury.
Ever.
I’m not sure how couples without a strong foundation make it through this new parent phase. Tim and I have already had it out once…both of us going completely off the deep end thanks to sleep deprivation, stress, adjusting to our new roles, etc.
I’m now completely and solely focused on Kellan while Tim is having to pick up the slack – aka everything I was doing before Kellan – like laundry and vacuuming and making dinner and cleaning and and AND.
It’s a huge adjustment for both of us and I’m not sure we were prepared for this part.
Actually, I lied just then.
We weren’t prepared at all.
I don’t know how you anyone can prepare, really. It’s like you have to live it to understand and then live on a wing and a prayer, hoping your relationship is strong enough to weather the storm, albeit temporary.
This week is my first week with Kellan all by myself. After 20 straight days of help and having my meals made by someone else, I’m all alone, fending for myself and have no idea what is in the refrigerator.
Also…make sure you – those of you who are about to have your own baby or eventually end up down the pregnancy/parenthood road – figure out how take a picture like this.
It makes a broken vaj, the late nights and frustrating moments when you want to cry – or are crying – worth it.
Oh I vaguely remember those days…they were long ago. But really, the smell of new baby just makes up for a lot of things.
Except the sleep deprivation which I didn’t handle all that well.
Once again you’ve hit the nail on the head, from how hard it is to what a joy it is also. Take it one day (or hour, or minute) at a time. I PROMISE it gets easier than the first few weeks. It’s never again easy, and for the first several years it’s really still a 24/7 intense job, but you will fall into a routine that is more predictable (usually). This hindsight from my first, especially having 8 years to find out what comes next, has helped me this time around. I know you won’t completely understand until you’ve gone through it yourself (just like becoming a parent), but trust me it won’t last forever. Yeah, people said that to me, too, and it was way too abstract at the time to wrap my head around. But truly, they were right.
May the force be with you. The early days of sleep deprivation are the hardest. And I remember the first time I was left alone with my first child. Sheer terror. But it does get easier!
I think this change is the one that scares me the most. It is the most rewarding, I have absolutely no qualms about that, but the complete loss of all ‘me’ time and ‘us’ time and ANY time, really, is what scares me. But what you say about having a strong base of support in your relationship;…that truly is key. It is make or break.
I love how despite this “new normal” you’re adjusting to, that you are STILL such a happy elated joyful new mommy! And while, yes, it scares the sh*t out of me to have such change to face in my own life, it seems like it’s the most rewarding experience you’ve ever had, am I right? So perhaps it’s worth it??
It sounds like you are getting through it well though. The point is you are adjusting and damn, isn’t that the cutest face ever!
Good luck! You’ll be okay…I promise.
Oh yes, I remember that time and it’s exactly as you said. It will pass, that’s for sure. For some sooner than for others.
The first hours, days, and weeks by myself were tough. There was lots of crying, and not just by the baby. But there also a lot of precious moments.
It sounds like you’re hanging in there, which is the best you can do for awhile. I’d love to say it gets easier, but it doesn’t– it just gets different. But it’s the toughest job you’ll ever love. And twenty years from now, you’ll be wishing he was little again.
*Big Hugs*
♥Spot
True, true! Indeed there is no “trial run” that can prepare us for this parenthood thing. Hubbs and I have had our moments too – thank goodness that cooler heads prevail once sleep has happened
But we’ve asked ourselves the same question, “How do *others* survive this first period of baby-rearing?!” and we thank God that we actually began with a solid relationship, unlike so many who have not and for whom having a child becomes a divisive thing.
I defy anyone to transition from no children to children without some kind of breakdown. It’s HARD. But three children down the line I can tell you it does get easier. I promise. It’s never the same as it used to be, but it’s good. Life is a lot calmer and children are fun. Someone once said to me that not only don’t you have a clue what it’ll be like before you have kids, you don’t have a clue that you don’t have a clue.