Why do I give my best stuff…put it all out there…day in and day out…obsessively wondering if there’s a point…
Just in case you didn’t know, save a few days in the beginning, I’ve written and posted something EVERY SINGLE DAY.
Sometimes to the tune of zero people reading.
Come to think of it, blogging is not very rewarding unless you like to read about yourself. Then it’s like…totally self-centered propaganda.
No one really reads blogs on a Monday anyway…right?
I mean, I could just sit and go all zombie-mode on the couch…afterall, I’ve had a pretty damn productive morning…
But nooo…I’m sitting here, writing…FOR YOU, PEOPLE.
ALL. FOR. YOU.
You just don’t know…I’ve got big things planned in the next couple months.
But without YOU…my big plans are going to be a giant disappointment.
The same kind disappointment you feel when you’ve got the inner buildup of a HUGE fart. One where you can feel the little noxious bubble moving down the length of your intestine…and you know it’s going to be one of those all out abdomen deflating kinds. The kind where if you jumped on a scale after said expulsion, you’d be five pounds lighter. And when THE MOMENT finally arrives…and you get all ready to feel LOADS better…all you get is this little “pip“
I don’t want a “pip.”
I want the explosion.
What? That’s never happened to you? Well, then, you’re either in denial or too ashamed to admit it.
We all fart, people.
Just like we all read blogs.
As in, we should all read mine…right? I read somewhere I was supposed to toot my own horn now and again.
Well, consider this my horn. Just less smelly and without the reverberations. Horns are kinda annoying…to me, anyway.
And I read somewhere else…about something called perseverance…getting up even when your teeth get knocked out and your face smashed into the dirt (that’s a zero hit day if I’ve ever felt one).
I know, I’m being selfish and greedy and completely obnoxious. But COME ON! Why the hell not? What’s so wrong with me? Look, I’ve even got pictures now that the computer is back in working order.
This lovely shot was when we went on a sailboat ride with Tim’s parents and before I turned pastey green.
By the way, my dear husband, I never thanked you for capturing this moment. Brings back wonderful memories of wanting to expel the entire contents of my stomach…along with my stomach itself and any other internal organ that felt like coming along for the ride. Such an outstanding use of “capturing the emotion.”
Anyhow…a little background: The “captain” had me steer the boat to try and take my mind off the swaying motion. Little did he know I have a hard enough time with left and right as it is…and he goes and reverses them on me all, GIRLY! LEFT is RIGHT! GO LEFT! WHICH MEANS TURN THE THING TO THE RIGHT!…WATCH FOR THAT DINGY!!…WHAT’S A DINGY?? WHAT THE HELL…THE BOAT! THE BOAT!! WATCH OUT FOR THE LITTLE BOAT!
And then I almost hit another boat.
After that, ”captain” decided I could puke all over the place. It washes off a lot easier than a hole in the side of his boat.
I still look semi-normal, right?
But, my bloggy friends, you must know: I’m not bitter and I’m not angry at you.
I’m just in a bitchy mood cause Tim said we couldn’t go to the Yellow Daisy Festival over the weekend due to Lexi’s bladder.
Oh, that and I want lots more friends.
Friends of the regular, consistent type.
Friends who tell other friends about this blog.
And when I say “this blog” I mean my blog.
That’s not too much to ask, right?
Don’t get offended…I’ll go back to the regular stuff tomorrow. Any requests?
Today I’m just TOOTING, DAMMIT!