If I start making zero sense at any point it’s because I feel like I’ve been hit by a bus. I have no idea why but I am d-r-a-g-g-i-n-g and could definitely sleep ALL. DAY. LONG. if it weren’t for the constant bathroom interruptions.
As far as pregnancy symptoms go, I have no idea what this means but it seems to be happening more often these days.
Anyhow.
My birthday is Thursday.
I’m in denial.
My birthday was the last “thing” on my “What Has to Happen Before the Sprout Comes” list and that thing is Thursday.
THURSDAY.
……..
Not to mention that after Thursday I’ll only be a year away from 30….
I told Tim if we don’t celebrate my birthday then technically it didn’t happen and then maybe everything will just slow the hell down so I can have a minute to process the fact that our lives are about to be turned upside-down and backwards. The anxiety and mini-freak-out-attacks I have now are both ridiculous and necessary, I think. I mean, having them means I understand that my life and my role as a person is about to change forever but having them also means I’m having them…which does nothing to encourage the calming thoughts I should probably be having at this point.
And then, I have other moments where I’m completely giddy about the sprout.
It’s like I have multiple personality disorder and FYI it is extremely confusing to live inside my brain right now.
Also? Did someone forget to tell me that the heartburn gets worse at the end? OMG. I’ve never had heartburn in my life and now it’s like I need an ongoing prescription for Tums.
(the ironic part is I’ve yet to even take Tums…ever)
In the middle of my multiple personalities, I have moments where I’m all, “I’m ready! Let’s get this show on the road!” and then I have other moments – usually somewhere between 1 and 4 am where I’ll be awake, unable to fall back asleep even though I’m exhausted, and think, “Dear God…please don’t let my water break now because I’m really not in the mood to deal with it.“
Of course, because I’m saying this, my water is going break at 2:15 in the morning.
That’s how pregnancy karma works, I think.
At this point, I’m preparing myself for “any day now” or having the OB tell me that I’m not going home after my appointment but instead straight to the hospital.
Notice I said preparing.
I’m not entirely sure how I’ll handle the situation when it happens.
Tears come to mind.
I had a list of things I wanted to get accomplished this weekend because, you know, “any day now…” so we managed those even though neither of us really wanted to do them.
The big one was cleaning the house. Tim was in charge of the kitchen and vacuuming while I dusted and did little stuff. I don’t know why but cleaning the kitchen is A: the most difficult and time consuming task ever and B: the most rewarding when you’re finished.
Our kitchen is literally sparkling, now. Mostly because Tim did extra super cleaning on stuff we normally don’t clean because he said he “knew I wanted a super clean house.”
How sweet, right? I know.
Then…because you can’t have a weekend of no fun, Tim shaved off his goatee and things got real.
This…the man I married:
Who the hell these people are…I have no idea.
I think somebody’s uncle Ralph is the second one and I’m pretty sure the first dude shot up an old saloon.
And lastly, (also probably what you’ve been waiting for), the bump!
I really don’t see much change from 35 weeks to this weekend (37 weeks). Do you?
35 weeks…
37 weeks…
I guess my boobs look a little smaller?…and my face looks fatter.
The hell with it all at this point. I’m big. I know it.
People notice I’m pregnant even with a huge bulky jacket.
The sprout is in there and taking up all the space and I’m just saying it’s about time he comes O-U-T.









