Join me? It’s house renovation time!

“So, are you guys even living here or are you flipping the house?” Actual question by the Lowe’s guy who installed our new awesome refrigerator (because the previous owners took theirs and we left ours in our old house. I mean, kid in a candy store activity for Tim. I won’t even get started on the other electronics he’s getting to buy. Christmas in July!).

Exhibit A:

20140720-135151-49911767.jpgAnyhow, first, I’m not entirely sure how you’re supposed to take that. Is it a compliment?

Second, it’s Arkansas. The housing market isn’t exactly booming. Sorry, Arkansas, but it’s true. I highly doubt we will make any money off this house. I think we’d be happy to break even, honestly. *However* I would LOVE LOVE LOVE to do this for a living. Remodeling houses and/or staging them to sell? It’s like Tim and my true calling. We can make any house look amazing. It’s like we actually have a knack for it….it just comes naturally.

Anyhow, back to the house. No, Lowe’s guy. We will be living here. No flipping. Only remodeling and renovating the things we thought needed help. Well, really only the things we absolutely could not live with…since this is not our forever house, we aren’t fixing alllllllll the things.

First was new paint and carpet and that’s almost finished! Benjamin Moore revere pewter and a linen colored carpet for the win!

Sidebar: do you have any idea how long it takes to vacuum a totally empty house? FOREVER. That’s how long.

So, our progress so far…and by “our” I mostly mean the painters and the carpet people…

We went from this super dark cave in the dining room:


To this – let there be light! I don’t even think I have a picture of the chandelier before we took some weight off in the form of black shades over the lights (WHY) and these weird dangly decorative things that Kellan called silver chickens. And please excuse the giant pile in the center of things still to do:


And this lovely mustard yellow (this isn’t our furniture – this is from the former owners):


To this, Kellan for scale:


Ahhhhh. Doesn’t it look and feel so much more peaceful and calming with the new paint color? As Tim says, “it feels so sophisticated.” Except not in a stuffy, snooty way. More like a quiet, cool, gently flowing riverbed stream kind of way.

Tomorrow we will finally get to move in after about two weeks of living in a tiny one bedroom apartment with all of our things in storage. I cannot wait to show you how the rooms will look post-furniture and decorations and hanging pictures! And our mini-loft we made for Kellan! And the kitchen area! That deserves its own post. So many things! Who’s excited?!!!?!! Other than me, obviously.

Here’s to the boxless calm before insanity and chaos tomorrow. We are trying a new plan of attack with the madness that is movers hauling in boxes left and right and asking where they go. Last time it was actual mass confusion as we were trying to read every box to see what was written on the side to see where it was supposed to go. This time, we pre-labeled all the boxes from every room with different colors of tape and are also taping a sign on each door/entryway with the corresponding tape color for each room and will be putting up a sign with which tape colors go upstairs and which go downstairs so they don’t have to ask every time they bring in a box. Hoping our extreme type A plan works.


If it doesn’t, at least we tried.

Hello, Arkansas. And renovations.

So, we have mostly officially moved to Arkansas. We are currently living in The Cave. Also known as the darkest apartment ever. It’s a one bedroom…for three people. The appliances are from…the 70s? Really, I have no idea. They work, so no complaints…but I’ll be happy to be outta here in a week and on to the new (to us) house.

Yes. We bought a house that was not brand spanking new. It was built in the 90s. The half bath has dark red wallpaper with monkeys. The fixtures all over the house are a mix of brass and nickel and bronze. They have giant cabinets above every single toilet (WHY?!). The walls are red or mustard yellow or green or blue. One upstairs bedroom has faux wood floors and everything else is carpet. The vanity sinks are seashell shaped. It’s like you’re washing your face in a giant clam. It’s a hot mess you guys.

So, what are two super type A people to do? RENOVATE! Because if we didn’t do something, our collective heads would explode from lack or order and consistency and flowiness (totally a word).

This is why we haven’t moved in, yet. There are painters inside as I write this, ripping out cabinets and painting the whole dang house. They’re also going to redo our half bath. We will be going from this….(it hurts my soul and my eyes to even post this…)


To a pedestal sink. Oil rubbed bronze fixtures. Revere pewter walls. A fabulous mirror. The floor (that you cannot see it is the same as the kitchen, which you’ll seeing a minute, is staying. The previous owners just installed it. Super neat tile. Imported from Italy.

And these space suckers in the upstairs hallway? GONE as of this morning! Hello mini-loft play area!



Just you wait its the new look. We may not be professionals, but we know how to remodel. It’s a gift. Either that or we stayed in a Holiday Inn Express last night (har-de-har-har).

Then, once the painters are finished working their magic, new carpet! And then? The three (yes, three! Yikes! The most full baths in one house we’ve ever had!) fixing 101 and fixture replacing and making it all flow together nicely. Don’t even get me started on the black mini lampshades on the dining room chandelier….

The good news? Our deck and yard are awesome. As is the general kitchen area. See? The deck even has a man cave (that’s what the previous owners called it). Also, the stuff in the picture of the kitchen isn’t ours, I just don’t seem to have a picture of its current state.



Cannot WAIT to get started on it all….even though that involves unpacking all of our households goods and furniture and….whew. That makes me a little stressed. Because that’s a lot.

I am thankful – June edition

WHEW. Excuse me while I collapse from relocation drama and stress. Oh, wait. I can’t yet because we haven’t even left, yet. Moving is hard. Where’s my mom?

Even though our lives have literally been completely – and I mean COMPLETELY – taken over by everything involved in relocating, I still had lots to be thankful for.

And if you’re a little behind (I mean, I’m even behind and it’s my life), we are moving to NW Arkansas because the husband has a new job (same company) there.

So, let the thankfulness commence!

June 1: this blog post. It actually made me cry. It was so needed at this exact moment.

June 2: we received an acceptable offer on our house (first was a low ball)! The end of keeping the house immaculately sterile is soon! So soon! And I am doing it all by myself because Tim started his job in Arkansas and isn’t coming back until June 26. Hold me. Also, where’s the wine?

June 3: someone from Tim’s (former) work drove out to the house to fix a light fixture that randomly stopped working. It ended up being a seventy-five cent fix. Also known as a broken switch. He saved us a few hundred dollars. I think I owe him a beer. Or baked goods. Something. But the light! It works!

June 4: the most incredible mammatus clouds/sunset walk that was totally unplanned. As in I went outside to take some pictures of the sky and Kellan went running down the sidewalk yelling, “turn right to go left!” Which is a line from the Cars movie and to him means go for a walk around the entire neighborhood. Which we did. Both of us in socks. He ran the whole way, too. Literally RAN. THE. WHOLE. WAY. So fun. And random.

June 5: the people who want to buy our house submitted the full contract. Yay! The showings can end soon!!!!!

June 6: ummm. Some days I really struggle with what to say…what to be thankful for…as in no particular event or thing comes to mind….the thing today that is sticking with me me 1. Me getting stressed about a showing and upset with Kellan making messed while I was desperately trying to get the house ready/everyone ready to get out the door…not a very great super mom moment there….and then later today in Barnes and Noble…a kid, maybe four or five, was there with his mom and he kept picking out books and she kept saying no, it was too expensive….I don’t know which book he wanted but I desperately wanted to tell her I would buy it – whatever book it was. While Kellan was playing with the train set, he was sitting in a chair, doing the stifled cry. I didn’t intervene…I didn’t want to make anyone uncomfortable…but I wanted to buy the book. Whatever it was. We are so blessed to be able to buy a book if Kellan wants it. It seems trivial, but to a kid, it’s everything.

June 7: Kellan asked for “some food…’Cheerio-e-ohs’” at bedtime. So, we went downstairs to eat a snack. He’s doing really well with utensils and trying really hard to learn to use them…and tonight I noticed that he would scoop the Cheerios onto his spoon and then tap the spoon three or so times on the edge of the bowl to get the milk off the bottom so it didn’t drop as he brought the spoon to his mouth. It seems like a little thing, but it’s really a huge thing. And I actually noticed. The craziness has slowed down to the point I am actually able to enjoy watching him learn and grow, again. So very thankful for that because it seems like he gets bigger by the minute.

June 8: not freaking out or overreacting to Kellan immediately throwing his entire cup of water on the floor within the first five seconds of facetiming with Tim. I just made him get down and wipe it up. With the number of toddler testing challenges and battles we are having as of late, I was proud of being able to keep it inside versus let his “on purpose for attention/get a reaction” activity get a rise out of me.

June 9: Kellan being goofy and putting one of my shoes on and walking around the kitchen….and then my MIL commenting on the video of the aforementioned shenanigans, asking if I just loved it when he did “adorably silly” stuff like that. As the answer is yes, I do. And I really want to be in the moment more to cherish those adorably silly times.

June 10: The sweetest going away gifts from the BFF. Super friends unite!

June 11: bringing dinner to friends with a brand new baby!! So tiny and so precious and adorable!!!! So thankful for a chance to visit with them before we move.

June 12: I survived the day. That is all.

June 13: despite of the craziness that was no one sleeping at all last night and having to be out of the house from 8:30-12:30 today for a home inspection, after we went to a random store at Pearl Street Mall and found these ridiculously small animal toys, like 12 of them, as we walked out and Kellan held them in his hand, he goes, completely genuinely, “thank you for my tiny tinies!!!” (That’s what we call them, as he got a few at the zoo awhile ago…). It was really sweet to hear that, totally unprompted.

June 14: meeting a friend I’ve only known via the blogging world in real life! So fun.

June 15: oh Kellan. You are getting waaaaay too smart! He wanted me to cut out the cows from a newly opened box of Horizon peanut butter crackers. I told him we had to wait I t we finished all the crackers and the box was empty. So, he takes the box, removes the bag holding the crackers and then goes, “It’s empty now. Cut out the cows, please?” I was like…is this really happening right now??? Then I just laughed and obliged. How could I not? So thankful for this intelligent, spirited kid with an amazing sense of humor. Also thankful for his daddy today, even though he had to celebrate solo in Arkansas.

June 16: I guess the reason Kellan wasn’t sleeping was because of some crazy development in the giant noggin of his. He has become so fun all of a sudden – it’s like he’s more a little boy. Less a toddler. And that seems weird to say when he’s only two. He’s getting what it means to make a joke. Like on the way to the dermatologist today, he was saying, “red means…..go!” And I would say noooooo! And he’d laugh and laugh. Same with “green means……stop!” Every day is such a wonderful adventure.

June 17: there was wine in the cabinet.

June 18: Super fun dinner and playtime with friends! So needed. I’m at the end of my do it all by myself sanity rope and I still have ten days to go. Also, after nap Kellan goes, “I want a soft moose. Soft like mommy.” It was really endearing and sincere and so, so sweet.

June 19: the nice, cool, lightly breezy morning….in June. I am REALLY going to miss that about Colorado. Also a hosting fun dinner with a friend who brought a yummy dessert – Nothing Bundt Cakes!!

June 20: a really random yet funny FaceTime session with Tim. “Put your butt on my shoulder…whisper in my ear….” Thanks, Kellan, for the inspiration for Tim’s song (i was on the floor, against the couch, and Kellan was on the couch and trying to almost sit on my shoulder). I didn’t even get the funny until a few minutes into it, and then I totally lost it. “Whisper in my ear….ssssspfffffffffffffffft”

June 21: I don’t know. I mean, we did a lot of things today. Farmers market. Sweet Cow. Jax. Chili’s by Kellan request (no idea why but he had been asking to go for weeks, so). Grocery store. I mowed the front and back yard. Oh. We went on a walk and rescued a caterpillar. He was afraid of the stick I was trying to get him on…then once he was on and I put him on a leaf in a tree, he just stared at me. Like intentionally stared right at me. Maybe he was saying thank you or maybe he was saying “what the f? I just finally got out of this tree?” But let’s pretend it was the former and today I’ll be the voice of the caterpillar. Some random giant saved my life even though I thought she was trying to impail me with a stick. That was unexpected.

June 22: while reading a bedtime story, I accidentally skipped a page, thinking it wouldn’t matter because Kellan skips every page except the ones he wants to read. So, in a ten page book, we may read four pages…it all just depends on the book, his mood, whatever. Anyhow, when I skipped it he immediately grabbed the book and started turning back one page saying we missed it. And when that happened, it made me smile inside because my mom always told me she would TRY to skip pages and I would stop her and tell her she missed a page. It’s a silly thing but it made me see a part of me in Kellan, and that was really fun and nice.

June 23: Tim found out from the owner of the house we are buying in Arkansas that they had two other offers for list price. The owner took our offer because they wanted to sell it to someone who would enjoy the house, versus a bank (one of the offers). Tim said he’s sure there were other reasons, but that’s not the point. Point is they loved this house and were trying to make sure someone else did, too. They fixed almost everything we asked for during the inspection, they called Tim and met with him to make sure he knew certain things about the coveted area of the deck, and said to call in the winter to help him get the outdoor area ready for cold. There aren’t many homeowners like that, I don’t think. So, a really good way to start our new Arkansas life – with a totally different perspective.

June 24: …..I just really love my little man. My life. My husband. That is all.

June 25: Fun waffle-breakfast-for-dinner with friends. And also Kellan calling the Incredible Hulk the incredible elk. And he’s 100000000% positive it is NOT hulk. It’s elk. AND on the way to Petsmart, Kellan started saying, “We are going to get dog food! And cat food! We are NOT getting flamingo food!” So funny, this kid.

June 26: today marks one week out from our actual, physical move to Arkansas. I remember Tim’s last week…and it flew by…Kellan and I didn’t really even do anything super special today….got the car serviced, he skipped his nap. Fell asleep in his PB Kids chair for 25 minutes. We veg-ed (vegged?) out the rest of the day because he also didn’t sleep last night. I got some moving things done. I guess I’m just thankful to realize our Colorado chapter is closing soon, and though I am really sad about it, I’m trying to get myself excited about Arkansas.

June 27: SO random but, looking back, I am a million percent glad I was never friends with who I thought were the “cool/popular” kids in high school. Turns out some of them made some pretty uncool life choices and I’m just happy I wasn’t under the influence, so to speak. I definitely don’t think I would be where I am now, and I really love where that is.

June 28: safe travel day for Tim. Reunited after basically a month! Kellan was so excited he didn’t want to nap!

June 29: Kind of a bittersweet night. Last meal with the BFF and family. We had lots of fun but it’s really hard to believe we won’t be going over for any more play dates and that we won’t be right around the corner. Love her.

June 30: Fun morning at the zoo. Last family “event” before life gets crazy with movers and packing and heading out to Arkansas. Tim and I spent the entire afternoon getting things around the house ready and Kellan didn’t complain/entertained himself/watched movies the entire time. Until
9:30 pm (lost track of time. Oops). And he’s only two. To say I was impressed is an understatement. Also: mommy guilt. But that’s a whole different post.

On to July. The month of the beginning of Arkansas.

I am thankful – May edition

Okay, so, I edited this post exactly zero times. There are zero pictures and no intro to any of this, unless you want to read the beginning part of my April thankfulness….why, you ask? My life has been turned upside down backwards with this whole relocation thing. It’s crazy, you guys, and I’m exhausted.

May 1: this article. I think it’ll be my new self-challenge to get out of my bubble (which is way easier with Kellan wanting to know what everyone’s name is everywhere we go)

May 2: how Kellan still asks for my help when trying to step down or up big (for him) steps. I know he won’t do it forever and some days I realize that in the moment and I’m like, why tell him to do it by himself when one day he will never ask for my help?? So, very thankful to have had that conscious thought today as he asked for my help at the park to “step down.”

May 3: Having a hard time with not letting stress get to me/cause me to have a short fuse/temper. Maybe I’m thankful today for realizing that so I can try to be better tomorrow.

May 4: our evening impromptu ice cream from a legit ice cream truck – Kellan’s first ever – followed by a walk to the neighborhood park and then to get the mail and walk home. The weather was really nice to boot.

May 5: sleeeeeeeep (and after I write this I couldn’t fall asleep for two hours! Why! I was so tired!)

May 6: during the after dinner snack that was really dinner for Kellan, when he was down to his last piece of (prized) watermelon, he handed it to me and said, “Mommy you eat it.” HEART. MELT. How sweet, thoughtful, and generous that was, offering me his last piece.

May 7: the completely impromptu trip to toys r us tonight that led to to impromptu trip to Chili’s, where they were having a special mother-son night. Tim was there, too, but how awesome we had that fun evening, with a picture (even though yikes I was NOT camera ready) and a red carnation that they gave to Kellan to give to me. It was SO SWEET. What a nice, unexpected surprise. Oh, AND Kellan got to pick out a matchbox car on the way out, so a win win all around.

May 8: The rare Colorado steady rain and thunder.

May 9: impromptu walk around the neighborhood because Kellan, while out in the front yard, took off down the sidewalk and said, as he was running away from us, “I’m going for a walk!” In his house slipper shoes, no less. So, we all went for a walk. He led the way the whole time, all the way back home.

May 10: friends coming over to help do some serious heavy furniture moving/lifting. And then letting us borrow their gas powered lawn mower….and mowing our lawn for us. Wow. And by the way, we have a human powered push mower, thank you very much.

May 11: Being a mom! It is every single emotion wrapped up into a ball, but the absolute best thing to have been blessed with…I don’t need anything today to validate my status except having my boys here with me, smiling and laughing. That’s what makes me feel special and loved. A happy house.

May 12:
Me: “Kellan, it’s time for a bath
Kellan, very loudly and defiantly: “NO!”
Me: “That is not the appropriate thing to say to me.”
Kellan: “NO MA’AM!”
It’s a start…I’ll take it.

May 13: The realtors saying I should get a job in interior design and/or write a book on how to stage a house. Super nice compliment, especially since I’ve ben busting my ass…ets to get things ready. And that book idea actually sounds really fun!

May 14: first time EVER leaving Kellan with someone non-family (by blood, anyway), and it went perfectly! I HAD to run some moving-relate errands and having Kellan stay with friends versus me dragging him everywhere seemed like a much nicer option for him. And it was! He had a great time/didn’t even miss a beat/didn’t want to leave after I got back….I mean I walked in and he just kept playing like I had been there the whole time. Really sad we are moving and will be leaving such amazing friends.

May 15: So, I was trying to get my college diploma framed at Michael’s (whatever, at least I’m finally doing it, right?)…and Kellan is legit hell bent on getting THREE pretty large bouncy balls from a bin that is so far away that I have to keep leaving the lady trying to help me get the framing stuff selected to chase him and help him. Finally, we have three giant balls at the counter (pink, blue, and green) and Kellan is now upset because they keep rolling away. I frazzled and just like AHHHHH! And then, all of a sudden, this lady who was there waiting to pick up her framing order walks over and is like, “Will this help? I’ve been in your shoes.” She has a shopping basket and sets it down on the ground. She helps Kellan put the three balls in and then shows him how to use the handles to pick it up. Kellan tries and says it’s too heavy. They take out one ball and try again….he says it’s still too heavy. And he is picking up the basket while saying it’s too heavy. I guess it was too much to hold it for long. Anyhow, now both this lady and the person helping me are totally engaged in interacting with Kellan. He’s asking them questions, like what was on the floor (dirt and speckled tile) and taking balls out of the basket and putting them in and telling her what the colors were…this wan waiting for her frame LOVED LOVED LOVED him. She was absolutely blown away when I said he was two (she thought he was four). She said he was a teachers dream, that it was amazing how I was able to interact with him because he was SO verbal, that she bet I had my hands full….that she had never seen another child like him before…all this happening while I’m trying to get my diploma framed. A thing I had put off for YEARS. And the day and time I decide to do it, this woman happens to be there, too. When it was time to go, she was like, “I know this is crazy and I’m just some person off the street, but here’s my card, I would love to watch him for you sometime.” And you’d think that would be creepy, but it wasn’t. That whole interaction was such a joy to witness. Kellan was loving it. She absolutely lit up with happiness. And all of that made me smile from the inside out. Look at how much life this child breathes into everyone! He is such a special, amazing, one in a million kid.

May 16: Tim came home from work early! I mean, we brought him breakfast and then afterwards I was like, “You should just come home.” And he was all, “I think I will.” Granted, all we did was work a ton on getting the house ready, but we got SO MUCH DONE!!!

May 17: Kellan REALLY wanting to help Tim plant a tree in the front yard. He helped put dirt in the wheelbarrow with his own tiny shovel and everything. He copies and imitates Tim in every way. He wants to be just like him. It’s really cute to witness.

May 18: seeing friends for brunch *and* later in the day, the random, unplanned restaurant where we decided to get food ended up having an old car/tractor show in their parking lot. I mean, what are the odds?! And Kellan LOVED it!

May 19: a fun family trip to the Denver zoo. Kellan really enjoyed it and Tim and I had fun watching him have fun.

May 20: Kellan and I were in the front yard and we went to go sit on the porch step as the garbage truck came by to pick up trash. I sat Kellan in my lap and he goes, “No. I want to sit by myself.” So, I set him down on the step by himself. It was kind of bittersweet, but it did show me that he is becoming independent in his own way, on his timeframe, versus me forcing it. It was nice to witness that firsthand. All of my super attachment parenting is not all for naught. It’s working. And it makes me feel like I made the right choice for him.

May 21: we didn’t get hit with any bad weather, even though it was pretty severe all around us, though mostly to the east. As in tornadoes and lots and lots of hail.

May 22: Random and funny text convo with the BFF at like, 8pm. And that is basically midnight when you’re a mom. It was definitely needed because I am stressed to the MAX with all the moving/house selling/EVERYTHING MUST STAY IMPECCABLE stuff going on.

May 23: our house went on the market around 3p and we had our first phone call at 7:30p requesting a showing the next day. Hooray!

May 24: awesome morning with friends at our “going away” party. Sad but also so sweet of them to do for us! We will miss them….very much. Oh! Kellan also did his first build a bear. Only it was a horse. He named him Jasper. It was really cute to watch him. He looked at ALL of the animal choices – the tags, not the stuff less animals – and there were A LOT of them – and then went back to the horse. Love how he looked at everything first before deciding. Sounds like me. Haha.

May 25: one leg of this super long and drawn out moving process is over. Done. Finished. The house is staged and cleaned and ready for ALL THE SHOWINGS while Tim, Kellan, and I go to Arkansas for a week of house hunting. Fingers crossed we get an offer for list price while we are gone!

May 26: A safe, albeit LONG, travel day. Kellan was a champ for the whole thing. His first flight in his own seat, too. Off house hunting we go…..

May 27: while having lunch at a restaurant, Kellan stops playing with his cars and walks over to me (we were sitting in a long booth) and goes, “I love you so much!” It was so sweet. This is the second time he has done this….I’m not even sure how he learned it….I mean Tim and I tell him that we love him…but for him to stop in the middle of playing and come over and say that….it was really incredible and adorable and heartmelting.

May 28: the guy at dunkin donuts who gave Kellan a chocolate doughnut hole for free, and wrk powdered ones to be for free. Very sweet.

May 29: we may have found the house in Arkansas! One we found randomly on our own during a random drive to a neighborhood the morning before looking at two other houses. We decided to go see this find on the last day here AND it the very last house we looked at, to boot!

May 30: Safe travel day for Kellan and me and safe driving day for Tim.

May 31: Survived a day of three showings by myself. And with a toddler and five pets, that is a feat unto itself.

So long, farewell, Colorado…

Did I ever mention how when Tim took the job here in Denver a few years ago (approximately 3 years and 6ish months ago, but who is counting?), that we signed up for it knowing we would have to leave….eventually? As in moved by Tim’s company? As in to a place that is NOT Colorado (from a “Wow! You live there?? You’re so lucky!” standpoint)?

Yes? No?

Either way, that time…..well….it’s finally upon us. It has happened.

We are moving to…..wait for it……


OMG, why, right? Of ALL places…and FROM COLORADO TO ARKANSAS? Are you nuts? Isn’t it supposed to be the other way around??

If you’re from Arkansas…live in Arkansas…looooove Arkansas….understand I have nothing against you and the state I know zero about. I just…I really like Colorado, is all.

When Tim was first approached about the Arkansas opportunity, he literally laughed (to me) like you’ve got to be kidding me. I tell them absolutely no, right?




After some talking, and hemming, and lots of hawing, he decided, at bare minimum. to do some due diligence before completely dismissing it offhand, because I mean, amazing opportunities can grow from the most unlikely circumstances, you know?

You (proverbial you) probably shouldn’t turn your nose up when someone presents something to you that you think is ridiculous before learning more. We are firm believers that if something is supposed to happen and you carefully start tiptoeing on the path God wants you to go, you allow yourself to be led. When you are on the right path, doors open and obstacles disappear.

So that’s what we did.

And you know what? Tim had zero obstacles. Without going into super detail, everything just fell right into place. That’s how I know we are doing the right thing. We don’t have to fight it. It just… all works itself out.

While going through the process, some amazing things happened. Things that I absolutely believe will put Tim on a path that will undoubtedly skyrocket him to his desired career level.

Even though I was skeptical.

Even though I was like WHY DOES IT HAVE TO BE ARKANSAS (though it is the prettier part with mountains, the NW and Tim really liked it when he visited).

Even though the whole idea of moving with five animals (oh yes, 2 dogs, 3 cats, and an atrocious amount of fur) and a toddler is very daunting, I just knew….I had that sixth sense that this was the right move, the right way to go.

That feeling got stronger the more we learned as Tim got deeper and deeper into the interview process. I knew before the final step that he would be offered the job. I don’t know how….it’s just one of those things you can’t explain. You just know.

So, now, off we go in a whirlwind mad dash to get the house ready to sell, find a new home in a new place, and everything in between…and there is A LOT of everything in between. The checklists are overwhelming.

It doesn’t even seem real yet…that this is actually happening. It will be very hard to leave Colorado. We have extra special memories with this house, thanks to our wonderful Kellan. This is his first home. This is our first home as a family. That will always be so special for me. This is where I became a mom.

We have amazing, wonderful friends whom we will miss dearly, that Kellan will miss, too. And leaving a state that is so beautiful….it will be very difficult to say goodbye.

I guess it would be one thing if we had many months to prepare ourselves.

But that’s not how it works.

We have until probably the end of May. And it’s already May 12.

So, let the craziness continue….because it honestly began a few weeks ago. We are just now at the point where we are ready to share.

A new chapter…a new adventure…it is beginning.

I am thankful – April edition

And the happiness continues…

Also – FYI – I post on Instagram (jessicabold) pretty much daily, if you’d rather not wait for the monthly wrap up…

My 365 days of thankfulness. I reflected on the one thing I was most thankful for at the end of every day as part of my journey to live a happy, positive life…and FYI it’s not exactly a cake walk to change into Miss. Super Happy. It’s a real struggle some days….a real struggle. I know I said this verbatim last month, but it still holds true. Learning how to be happy is hard. And that seems really dumb to say…but after years of living in a kind of funk/ability to see the negative too easily/getting down on myself after a bad day/hour/minute, changing my views and inherent, automatic reactions take time. It takes actual consciousness to see when I’m slipping back into old habits…and sometimes I don’t realize that that’s what I have done until I’ve already done it….If that makes any sense…

…but this is what happened….in April.

(Catch up on the past months…JanuaryFebruary….March)

April 1: My goofball of a husband.


April 2: A safe trip to a weekend getaway for Tim’s birthday AND snow! Kellan loves it! Also, we are not sure if the snow that is happening now will be the last “big” snow that Kellan (and the dogs, who are here with us) sees for awhile….and we had no idea it was going to snow until a few days ago…(this picture was before it really started coming down).


April 3: Finally realizing that there is actually a sleep regression around 24 (or so) months. Because I am going crazy and it is making me crazy and I have lost all patience waaaaay too many times already because I LOVE SLEEP AND I AM GETTING NONE. I am instead getting woken up every two hours/having battles over going to sleep/ridiculously late bedtimes (looking at you, 11pm)/etc/etc/etc. I’m really hoping that acknowledging this will help me make peace with it and be a better, more gracious mom instead of a crazy person.

April 4: a random stop at the local grocery store for Crazy Bugs Mac and cheese (because they didn’t have “tractor pasta”) and a “remembry” that a stationary train was nearby netted one happy kid with the “biggest train I’ve (he’s) ever seen!”

April 5: Reconnection and “truth grapes.”

April 6: orange play doh that I had put away for Kellan’s Easter basket…and while Tim and Kellan were playing with the small tubs we already had, I mentioned in passing I had purchased orange and green…and Kellan walked over and asked for the orange one….so instead of saying no, I went and got it for him. When I came back into the loft and handed it him, he started dancing around and said, “I’m dancing! I’m happy!” That genuine reaction was so worth it.

April 7: linen closet de-clutter and organization. Organizing and order make me happy.

April 8: Junk drawers – Yes. Plural. Three to be exact – have been de-junked!!

April 9: no idea what to write. I’m thankful the day is over? That’s so bad to say….oh! I’m thankful for friends who send me inappropriate disney pictures. Because after a night of basically zero sleep (OVER IT, sleep regressions. OVER. IT.), I needed the laugh.

April 10: my lock screen. I changed it yesterday and every time I look at it, it makes me smile…warms my heart.

April 11: being able to be outside! It’s so nice and warm….but not too hot!

April 12: Kellan learned how to “kiss” making the noise with his lips. It is so cute! He kept asking to kiss our cheeks this morning after waking up.

April 13: More organization stuff done. Basement style.

April 14: Two unsolicited thank yous from Kellan. One in Michael’s after handing him back a Cars book )after the cashier scanned it) I let him buy. He even waited patiently to take off the stickers inside until we paid for it…but after I handed it back he said, “thank you for my Cars book.” MELT. Then right after in Petco (cat food and dog treat run), while we were checking out, the cashier asked him if he wanted a coloring sheet and he said yes, so she handed him one and he goes, “thank you for my coloring sheet.” MELT AGAIN. I guess we’re doing something right after all.

April 15: The random trip to the grocery store after dinner, just Kellan and me, that led to a random employee holding a red balloon, meeting us at a corner as we turned out of an aisle, and saying, “does he want a balloon?” DOES HE WANT A BALLOON?! Are you kidding me?? Made his whole day. And a red one at that “just like Christopher Robin’s!” Kellan made a point to tell him thank you and couldn’t wait to get home to tell Tim about it. It’s the little things.

April 16: Tim making me laugh at dinner….regarding one of his employees saying he should just to put his pee pee on the table (metaphor for being honest/trying to change) and then Tim being all, “I should tape three sizes on the desk when he walks in for his review and be like, so, how big of a change are we going for?” Inappropriate at best but it was hysterical. Had to be there. He didn’t actually say that to the work person.

April 17: How Kellan never has an actual temper tantrum when we have to leave a place. Like today at the park after the (super fun Kellan had a blast!) egg hunt, every other kid cried or protested leaving, except Kellan. I told him it was time to walk home and have lunch, and he got up and started walking, zero complaint. I think I take that for granted sometimes, the ability to reason with him.

April 18: Laughter. Tim gets funnier and funnier the more tired he is….not sure that’s a good thing but it gives me a good laugh during dinner time storytelling, anyway.

April 19: RAIN! Steady, soaking rain. It’s so rare here….

April 20: awesome, nontraditional Easter meal (hello chicken kabobs and amazing Israeli cous cous…and wine….and a few jelly beans because I mean, hello!) and a fun family day all around. Pictures. Baskets. Egg hunt.

April 21: Tim getting to his first super travel work destination safely. And this article. Because being a mom is a super important job. Just ask Julia Roberts.

April 22: Tim made it safely to his hotel after crazy travel day 2. AND it was the most PERFECT evening. The temperature was perfect. The walk/playing at the (really busy) park was perfect. Kellan and I had a really nice time. It was one of those moments you want to try and remember.

April 23: totally impromptu dinner guest friends who brought dinner and stayed awhile so the evening wasn’t so lonely while solo with Kellan.

April 24: Kellan. How much love and laughter and pure joy he brings to my life. I absolutely adore being his mom and feel so lucky to have such an incredible kid.

April 25: I mowed the lawn! And weeded! All by myself! Well, Kellan helped. And we have a self-powered mower. Think blades in front, no cords, no batteries. Just (wo)man power. And Tim is finally home safely. Hooray!

April 26: A beautiful, smart, amazing, and healthy son and a wonderful, loving, funny, and also healthy husband.

April 27: Kellan FINALLY pooped. You have no idea how much trauma and tears “stuck poop” will cause.

April 28: Kellan schooling Tim a after dinner on how to pronounce dinosaur names. “No, I’m sorry, it’s [insert really long and hard to say Dino name here]“

April 29: this conversation: Kellan, you have stinky toots, do you have to poop?

“No. I don’t feel it. It’s just stickers coming out.”

Oh. Stinky stickers?


April 30: my Super friend. Replace super with best and yah. She’s pretty awesome.

For me….

Who am I, even? I mean, I was thinking about it last night (why, brain? I have no idea). I realized that not once in my life had I ever say myself down for a little chat. Something like, “Hi, self. Where do you see your life going? Who and what do you want to be?”

I’ve just kind of let the wind take me wherever….and here I am. Mom. Wife. Thirty-one years old (OMG).

I mean, “the wind” really took me to lofty places. I have nothing to complain about. I can go buy a burrito for lunch without a second thought (I actually did have a burrito for lunch, thank you very much. Bean and cheese, more like lots of bean, where’s the cheese?). I have the most incredible kid ever….husband’s not too shabby, either. Cleans up nice. Smells good. Makes breakfast on the weekends.

But yes, see. Here’s where we find the dilemma. What about me? Am I just supposed to be a mom and that’s it? I feel like, as much as I truly love and feel so blessed to be a mom – because I actually love my “job,” I feel like there should be more. For me. I want more. For me. Is that so wrong?

I feel like it’s not. At all. I just don’t know what I want. I don’t know what my role is supposed to be. Am I supposed to be the support system for Tim, so he can climb the ladder and reach his career goals…while at the same time, devote most of my productive time and energy to raising Kellan? Then once all that happens, I can switch gears? Do my stuff?

I know that there are many moms who do it all. Work and wife and parent. I am not sure how I could handle that…I’m barely keeping it together some days and I don’t have a (second) job that requires my attention. I have no idea how the working moms/wives do it all without going crazy. Mad respect for you women.

Still. I feel like I need something for me. To feel accomplished. Like I’m doing something for myself, my life. Something lasting. Meaningful.

But whaaaaaaaat……..?????

(Rhetorical question)

this is where you ask those burning questions

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